


Folly

by KingJackson



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, study abroad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-02-26 09:28:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13232871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingJackson/pseuds/KingJackson
Summary: Years after moving thousands of miles away from his childhood best friend at the turbulent age of thirteen, Mark takes a risk to study abroad away from everything he has ever known. Little does he know, his past isn’t far behind, surprising him in ways he never expected.





	1. Chapter 1

Meeting Jiaer was something Yien thought he would never forget.

At the age of five, the world seemed endless. Riding his bicycle down the sidewalk, Yien wondered how far he could actually go, abruptly stopping at the streetlight that his parents had designated as his limit, turning around to head the other way. Surely with his young determination, Yien could ride for days, his young enthusiastic spirit putting outlandish ideas in his head as he approached his house again, his father lounging in a plastic lawn chair in the front yard. The late summer heat beat down on the older man, Yien smiling big as he parked his bike near the garage before running over through the soft blade of grass, cheerfully grabbing the juice box he knew his mother had left for him with his father.

“Did you see how fast I can go?” Yien smiled, toothy grin stained with drops of stray juice from his stray. “I could go all the way around the world!”

“You think so?” His father chuckled, reaching out to ruffle his shaggy black hair. “Maybe when you’re older, you can go wherever you’d like.”

“But I wanna do it now!” Yien whined, pouting for only a moment before taking another drink from his pouch. “I’m not a baby anymore…”

“I know that,” Yien continued to pout even as his father pulled him into his lap, looking him softly in the eyes. “You’ll have all the time in the world. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up.”

With a deep sigh for such a small boy, Yien nodded with a forced frown on his face, his father’s deep laughter reminding him that his intentions were to be trusted. If he had to wait to grow big and strong to go as far away as fast as he could, maybe Yien could be patient with a little help from his family and his favorite flavor of juice.

Just as he was about to wriggle himself from his father’s grasp for another lap around the sidewalk, Yien watched as a minivan pulled into the driveway of the house next door that had been vacant since the last residents moved out a few weeks prior, a family that reminded him much of his own stepping out with bags in hand. While Yien had two older sisters and a younger brother, this family seemed to have an older brother and a small boy about the same age as Yien, making his eyes go wide in wonder. Could it be possible that this boy he hadn’t even met could be his next best friend?

While Yien was shy and timid to most of his classmates, he really did want to make friends, someone to always be there to play with and ride bikes with, maybe even someone to share his Legos with if he trusted him enough. Forced to be entertained by his older sisters, Yien thought that having a baby brother could be the solution, but all it meant was more crying and whining than he had the patience to deal with at such a young age, causing him to wish for someone outside of his family for a friend. Seeing the boy step out of the car gave Yien hope that his prayers had been answered, suddenly feeling his shyness increase under the pressure of what it all could mean.

“Let’s go introduce ourselves,” His father smiled, placing Yien on the grass before standing himself. “It’s what good neighbors do.”

With another small nod, Yien held onto his father’s hand as they made their way across the yard to the neighbor’s driveway, Yien’s eyes focused straight ahead on the boy his age with dark hair just like his, but a mischievous grin that intimidated him more than he’d like to admit. Yien reminded himself that this boy was to be his future best friend so he had to be nice, no matter what the other boy said.

“Welcome to the neighborhood,” Yien heard his father begin to introduce himself to the boy’s parents, shaking hands with the mother and father before saying hello to the boy’s older brother. Even as they interacted, Yien never moved his eyes from the other kid, observing him intently as he waited for the right moment to say hi. Eventually, Yien’s father squatted down to their level, grinning as he reached his hand out to the young boy as Yien continued to watch carefully.

“And what’s your name?” Yien’s father grinned, the once-confident looking boy shyly reaching out to touch his hand.

“Jiaer,” the boy looked up at Yien’s father, eyes round and smile gone.

“Well, Jiaer,” Yien felt his father’s hand nudge him from behind, edging him closer to Jiaer’s position. “This is Yien. He’s five, too.”

“I’ll be six in September,” Yien sighed, eyes nearly rolling as if he were tired of reminding his family how close his birthday was getting.

“My birthday’s in March,” Jiaer replied, grin returning slowly. “I’m gonna ask for a new bike!”

“Cool,” Yien smiled back, words not easily finding their way out.

“We have a swingset in the backyard if he ever wants to come over and play,” Yien overheard his father suggest to Jiaer’s parents. “Feel free to always stop by.”

“Can I go over now?” Jiaer asked, looking up at his mother as Yien watched. “I wanna play with Yien!”

“Alright,” Jiaer’s mother smiled, giving him a quick kiss on his head. “Tell Mr. Tuan you have to leave before dinnertime or I’ll send your brother over to get you.”

“Thank you!” Jiaer flashed the same playful look he wore so well before their introductions, grabbing Yien’s hand as he tugged them both towards the backyard. “Let’s go!”

Yien wasn’t exactly sure why he let the other boy direct him to his own backyard, but as they climbed onto the swings and started talking about things only five year olds would, he didn’t seem to mind it much at all.

 

  
  
After one day of playing, Yien and Jiaer became inseparable.

From playing in Yien’s backyard to riding the same bus to school together, the pair became instant best friends, just as Yien had hoped. Lucky enough to share the same teacher, they even got to work on homework together as long as their parents were around, snacking on crackers and juice before completing worksheets in time for their favorite cartoons, waving goodbyes before dinner was served. It was a pattern they fell into easily and that their parents supported, the families growing closer as the weeks and months passed. The boys shared holidays together and even made sure to get each other presents for their birthdays, Yien choosing a shiny silver bell for Jiaer’s new bicycle his parents had gifted him.

Their first few years of friendship were like a dream, two boys seen as near equals enjoying the same things, able to simply cross a backyard in order to play with the other when bored. However, as the years passed, Yien began to become more observant in nature, reserving his words only for when they seemed to fit best in a conversation, letting Jiaer babble on and on as he pleased. Their group of friends had somehow also increased, Jiaer too friendly for his own good, inviting random classmates over to play games and eat snacks when all Yien had ever wanted was one good friend to depend on for fun.

Still, Yien cherished those moments on Sunday afternoons before dinner when he and Jiaer would lay back in the grass of his backyard, staring up at the bright blue sky as clouds lazily passed by. During those times, Jiaer would be just as quiet as Yien, only speaking up once Yien had started, both sharing anything they saw within the fluffy formations.

“Before I moved here, I used to look at the clouds, too,” Jiaer explained, Yien suddenly remembering that he _wasn’t_ always a part of his life. “That’s why I like the sky. It moves all the time, but it’s still the same sky no matter where you go.”

“But if it changes, how is it still the same sky?” Yien wondered, Jiaer smacking his chest playfully before they both burst into a fit of giggles.

“Shut up,” Jiaer smiled, resting his head on the palm of his hand.

“I think that’s impossible,” Yien offered, giggling as he stood up, starting to run from Jiaer as soon as he made his statement, the two boys tiring themselves out in time for dinner, waving goodbye as they always did, knowing they’d see each other the next morning for their classes.

 

  
  
The next weekend, Jiaer brought over a pair of matching plastic bracelets decorated with a cartoon spider in the middle that he won at the arcade with his brother earlier that morning. While Yien liked the gift, Jiaer quickly realized that the older boy had a fear of the eight-legged creature adorning the flimsy jewelry, apologizing with a soft smile and an extra cookie the next afternoon. What Jiaer hadn’t realized is that Yien was bound to make things right in his own way, appearing in his family room with a plastic bin of art supplies he borrowed from his sisters’ room, colorful strands of string lining the bottom with beads swimming around throughout.

“I thought we could make our own,” Yien sheepishly suggested, looking more nervous than usual as he waited for Jiaer’s reaction.

“That’s the best idea I have ever heard,” Jiaer grinned, slinging his arm around Yien’s shoulders as he gazed into the box. “Who likes spiders anyway?”

Yien and Jiaer spent the rest of the afternoon loosely following a pamphlet of instructions for their bracelets, adding their own personal touches as they each made one for the other boy. While Yien didn’t mind being open about his design, Jiaer kept his hidden as he worked, only sneaking a peek at whatever Yien was doing to make him laugh before returning to work. With every twist of the thread, Jiaer seemed focus on making his look the best, Yien slightly confused as he didn’t consider this a competition. But once they had both completed their items, Yien was proud to present Jiaer with a bright green bracelet with a single bead woven into the middle, tying it around his wrist with ease.

“I love it!” Jiaer exclaimed, looking at his wrist with pure joy. “It’s perfect, thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome,” Yien blushed at the flattery he received, holding his arm out for Jiaer to put his on next.

“Don’t look,” Jiaer instructed, watching as Yien sighed in annoyance before closing his eyes, feeling the rough texture of the bracelet slip on his wrist as the other boy finished tying it off.

“Okay,” Jiaer cleared his throat, dropping his hands to his sides. “You can see.”

Opening his eyes, Yien realized that maybe giving full creative control to the other boy was somewhat a mistake, the vibrant neon pink bracelet standing out way more than Yien was comfortable with. Looking up at Jiaer to see if he was being pranked, Yien was taken aback by the rather fond expression on the other’s face, realizing that it had been intentional and wasn’t supposed to be a joke at all.

“It’s… pink,” Yien managed to say, fingers running gently along the knot keeping it together. “Why is it pink?”

“I like pink,” Jiaer said matter-of-factly, hands resting on his hips. “Boys can like pink, it’s pretty!”

“I guess so,” Yien mumbled, wishing he had pulled the more feminine colors out of the bin before presenting it to Jiaer, knowing that he understood Jiaer could be capable of doing something like this.

“It’s pretty like you,” Jiaer added on, voice quieter than it was before, gaze shifted down at his own bracelet. “I thought it was a good idea.”

Suddenly realizing that he may have hurt his best friend’s feelings, Yien began to reconsider his initial dislike of the color, reanalyzing it in his head with Jiaer’s point-of-view. If Jiaer thought pink was cool, shouldn’t he feel the same? Jiaer always knew best and held firm on his opinions and Yien would do anything to make his best friend happy. If he picked the color because it reminded him of Yien, Jiaer knew what he was doing and they would be even stronger of friends with their coordinating bracelets worn together.

“I like it,” Yien smiled sheepishly, holding his wrist close to his heart. “We can never take them off.”

“Right!” Jiaer beamed, leaping from his chair at the table. “You know, I heard that if you wear it all the time, you’re supposed to make a wish. If your bracelet falls off, your wish comes true.”

“What, really?” Yien responded in genuine surprise, loving the bracelet even more at the thought of it making one of his deepest desires occur. “That’s so cool!”

“Promise you’ll wear it forever?” Jiaer stuck his pinky out, waiting for Yien to link his own with it.

“Promise,” Yien grinned, wrapping his finger around Jiaer’s, giggling as they broke apart to move onto their next activity.

 

 

  
  
At twelve years old, Yien felt like he was seeing Jiaer for the first time.

No longer the adorable and innocent children they were when they had first met, Yien and Jiaer began to diversify themselves and their interests while still attempting to remain best friends, afternoon hangouts after classes still occurring as long as they both had free time. While Yien preferred to come home directly after school and relax on the couch with some video game, Jiaer spent hours at fencing practice, perfecting a craft his father had been so skilled in. When Yien would ask Jiaer if he had a choice in whether or not to participate in the sport, Jiaer only laughed, explaining that _no_ was not an answer he could give to his parents regarding the activity. Jiaer made more friends from a crowd of junior varsity jocks, leaving Yien to make his own plans with his few other quiet friends, his mother doting on them on Friday nights when they’d all pile into the Tuan family room for a scary movie and some popcorn. While Yien was happy to have anyone to hang out with, none of them were Jiaer and no one could possibly fill the space left by his enormous personality.

People looked at Jiaer as if he were the sun, a bright beacon of possibilities just waiting to explode. Boys were drawn to him to be his buddy and girls swarmed him with giggles and subtle touches, everyone wanting to be caught in the aura that was the evolving Wang Jiaer. Yien knew the biting feeling in his belly was simply jealousy, not only for his time with Jiaer becoming shorter and shorter, but also for the natural presence Jiaer displayed on a daily basis, his confidence oozing with a single glance. Yien wondered what it was like to be so self-assured at such a young age, thinking that one day, maybe, quite possibly he’d feel the same.

On an afternoon usually reserved for an additional practice, Jiaer joined Yien on the bus ride home, sliding next to him on the short bench with a wide smile on his face. While Yien remained lanky and awkward in all of his proportions, Jiaer was somehow making it through the many stages of puberty with grace, muscular arms appearing along with a slight drop in his voice. Whatever deodorant he had chosen was also apparent, Yien wondering how a preteen boy could manage to avoid smelling like the locker room he often frequented.

“Hey,” Jiaer smiled his trademark grin, shoving his backpack to the floor. “Are you going to the dance this weekend?”

“Dance?” Yien vaguely remembered the makeshift social gathering announced by the school a few weeks prior, but hadn’t put any weight into attending. Far too nervous to approach any girls in his grade to ask for a date, Yien figured he’d wait for the next dance to come around, secretly hoping he’d find enough confidence to ask a girl out by then. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Why not!” Jiaer exclaimed, panic scribbled across his face as if he hadn’t considered Yien’s personality at all before asking. “Everyone is going, you have to go!”

“It’s okay,” Yien tried to argue, shrugging a bit. “I don’t have anyone to go with.”

“Yeah, right,” Jiaer scoffed, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms against his chest. “You can go with me.”

While a comment like that would have been okay years ago, it meant something else completely different in the months leading up to age thirteen, Jiaer too oblivious to care as he giggled at Yien’s reaction.

“As _friends_ ,” Jiaer clarified. “All the girls will be there anyway, so why bother asking one? I can dance with whoever I want that way!”

“Good point,” Yien admitted, smiling as he imagined Jiaer attempting to dance with every girl in attendance at least once before the event ended. “I bet my mom could drive us.”

“Awesome,” Jiaer slung his arm around Yien’s shoulders as he used to, grinning ear to ear as he kept their bodies close. “This is gonna be so fun.”

 

 

Outfitted in what was usually referred to as his Sunday best, Yien adjusted the tie around his neck before walking downstairs, rolling his eyes as his mom gasped in excitement. The clothes were stiff and uncomfortable, but he didn’t want to make a fuss about getting something new to wear for one night only. Attending the dance was more of a favor to Jiaer; seeing him get so excited over Yien agreeing to go made the choice an easy one. They were best friends and Yien knew that their friendship needed to be maintained to last as long as they both wanted it to, hoping it would remain for years to come.

As his mother met him at the bottom of the staircase to better straighten out the collar of his shirt, Yien met Jiaer’s gaze, the other boy dressed in black pants and a gray button down shirt with his hair styled back with entirely too much pomade. The old pink bracelet hidden beneath the length of his sleeve seemed all too tight as his heart did an odd flip within his chest, wondering to himself when Jiaer had gone from the endless ball of energy bouncing between his house and the one next door to a boy on the brink of becoming a young man with so much potential.

With a bright smile, Jiaer walked right over, looping his arm with Yien’s as their mothers began to photograph them before it was time to go, both boys awkwardly sliding into the back of the car. As Jiaer filled the quiet space with rapid-fire conversation, Yien felt more relaxed as he laughed at the other’s bad jokes, hoping that the night would be another first-time experience they could share as best friends, another reason to believe that Jiaer would never point him in the wrong direction.

If anyone wanted to point out how Yien spent more time leaning against the wall and staring at his best friend having the time of his life over finding his own personal dance partner, he wouldn’t know how to respond, passing off the silly bubbly feeling in his chest as a new symptom of his perpetual platonic jealousy.

 

 

 

Three months before Yien’s thirteenth birthday, his entire world as he knew it began to crumble.

His father had accepted a job overseas and the entire family would be moving to the states, leaving everything he had ever known behind. Of course, his parents tried to reason with him that the change was coming at the right time, that beginning the school year as the new kid would be a lot easier than joining them after it had already started. Even after the persuasive arguments, Yien was not convinced that anything would be _easy_ , his desire to make new friends shoddy and his english skills mediocre at best. Shedding tears made no difference and his family started to pack their belongings one by one, leaving Yien to decide how he would break the news to Jiaer.

It had been years since he used the old swing set in their backyard, writing it off as childish and immature as he had grown older. Without anywhere else to think outside of his room, Yien dragged his feet along in the worn pile of mulch below the swing, wishing there was anything he could say or do to remain in the one place he felt comfortable. So much was changing, from his mind and body to his family life, and it was difficult to find something stable to grasp onto to keep him steady throughout it all.

“Hey.”

Jiaer’s unmistakable voice hovered above him, Yien sighing before glancing up.

“Hi,” Yien replied softly, nodding towards the swing to his right. “Wanna join?”

Without another word, Jiaer climbed onto the seat next to him, gently moving back and forth without much of a purpose. Accustomed to his best friend filling in the awkward pauses, Yien looked over at Jiaer a few minutes later, recognizing the glint in the corner of his eyes as unwelcomed tears.

“What’s wrong?” Yien asked, pausing his own movements. “Are you okay?”

“Dad told me,” Jiaer replied, Yien’s heart dropping deeper into his chest as he understood he missed his chance to put the move into his own words. “He told me you’re leaving. Please tell me he’s lying.”

“I…” Yien began, coughing awkwardly as he attempted to reason with himself to better explain his situation. “I didn’t want to go, but my dad… he got a job there. We all have to go.”

“It’s not fair,” Jiaer firmly stated, gritting his teeth on his words, visually representing everything Yien was holding back inside. “You’re my best friend. What am I gonna do?”

“I don’t know,” Yien sighed, swing gently moving him side to side, wishing he could offer Jiaer any words of comfort that might ease his mind as well. “You at least still have your whole life here. I have to start over. It’s stupid.”

“That sucks,” Jiaer looked over, wiping his eyes gently. “I wish you could just say with me.”

“Maybe I can come visit,” Yien attempted to reason, wanting to assure Jiaer and himself that it wasn’t the end of their friendship.

“Yeah,” Jiaer smiled slightly, nodding at the thought. “You can text and call me, too. All the time, I don’t care.”

“Good,” Yien smiled back, mind somehow temporarily soothed by the obvious. “Oh, and Jiaer?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for being my best friend.”

 

  
  
Loading up the last of their bags, Yien watched as his parents locked the door for the last time, leaning back against the side of the car as his sisters took photos of the outside and his little brother climbed into the backseat of the car. He knew they would be leaving in a few minutes, but he had one last thing to do before they were off on their journey overseas, the lump in his throat growing larger by the second. As if he had gotten his own personal cue, Jiaer’s front door opened, the boy walking slowly down the stairs and over to Yien before stopping only a few inches away, hands occupying his pockets.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” Jiaer sighed, looking worse than Yien imagined he did from the outside.

“I know,” Yien bit his lip, shrugging. “I’ll be back someday… I have to.”

“You have to promise,” Jiaer implored, sticking his pinky out as they always used to as kids. “Promise you’ll stay my best friend and come back because no one else is as fun as you.”

“Promise,” Yien softly replied, linking their fingers together for a final time. “We’re friends forever.”

Yien found himself locked tight in Jiaer’s embrace, a strong clumsy hug that said more than their words already did. They were two boys going through a turbulent time in their lives, holding onto each other for support as they tried to figure out what it meant to be a teenager in the world around them. Yien wondered to himself how things would be without Jiaer by his side, if he could be as strong or have as much faith in himself as Jiaer always seemed to provide. He also thought about Jiaer and his own concerns, how he could easily second guess every decision he made. Yien knew the other boy would be fine on his own, but maybe he selfishly wished a part of him wouldn’t be the same without Yien by his side. Parting at the words of Yien’s father, Jiaer let go and backed away to his own driveway, Yien climbing in the backseat next to his siblings as his father started the car.

Fussing with the worn bracelet on his wrist, Yien silently hoped that wouldn’t be the last time he saw Jiaer, wishing to anyone that would listen to keep their friendship alive thousands of miles apart.

 

 

  
  
On his first day of school in California, Yien shyly introduced himself as Mark to the class, preferring to sulk in the back corner of the classroom once the teacher had moved on to explaining the course for the year. The weeks between saying goodbye to his home of thirteen years and the start of school were the opposite of enjoyable, each one topped with what his parents labeled _temper tantrums_ to which Yien couldn’t be bothered to argue with. He was miserable in a house that felt two sizes too small, his brother sharing his personal space without a care in the world. The only time of day he looked forward to were the few minutes late at night when he could speak with Jiaer, the animated sound of his voice carrying enough positivity to get him through another night.

As the school year approached, Yien heard from Jiaer less and less, knowing that his father was placing him under strict rules for training to prepare him for an upcoming fencing tournament. Just the night prior, Yien had wished Jiaer good luck, knowing that he would perform well. Waking up to a short text message from the other boy, Yien was saddened to learn that Jiaer had failed to place, wondering what had gotten into him to throw him off his game.

Jiaer’s failure led to a bumpy start to Yien’s day, which seemed to worsen with each passing hour. At lunch, Yien preferred to sit alone, not knowing a single soul in the building except some vaguely familiar faces of his classmates from the periods prior. Unfortunately, a few of these boys decided to join him at the table he selected in the corner, barely asking for permission before sliding onto the benched surrounding the table.

“You’re the new kid,” one boy observed, Yien nodding simply in response. “Mark?”

“Yes,” he replied softly, not really in the mood to begin any kind of conversation. “That’s me.”

“Cool,” Yien heard another boy say, a round of introductions of names following it. Half-paying attention, Yien finished his food and went to stand up to toss away his trash.

“You should hang out with us,” the first boy stated, grabbing his wrist to keep him near the table, fingers grazing the bracelet Yien still wore to keep a part of his home with him at all times.

“Pink?” Yien wished he could run in that moment, not wanting to hear any of the taunts to follow. “Kind of a weird bracelet. Is it your sister’s?”

“No,” Yien snatched his hand away, making sure it was still on his wrist. “It’s from a friend back home.”

“I guess this place is your home now,” another remarked, Yien sulking as he kept his backpack secure on his shoulder. “Come on, we’ll eat lunch here every day. Sound good?”

Yien wasn’t sure if he nodded in agreement to see if it appeased the boys surrounding his space or just to make a smooth escape, rushing a quick _goodbye_ before dumping his trash out quickly before figuring out where to go for his next class. While he hated to be mocked for the childish bracelet he wore on a daily basis, he hated the idea of being seen as the _outsider_ even more, not wanting to feel like some weirdo from another planet just because his accent was a little different and he wore _pink_ bracelets from his friends back home.

That afternoon after returning to his new home from school, Yien knew he could fix part of that problem as he slipped his bracelet between the blades of a pair of scissors, snipping it off and stashing it in a box he had partially unpacked in his bedroom.

If Jiaer would ever ask, Yien would tell him it had randomly fallen off and he was still waiting for his wish to come true.

Jiaer would believe him. Jiaer always did.

 

***

 

“You must be Mark, come in!”

Greeted by his new roommate after an all-day flight, Mark was relieved to see a cheerful face, shaking his hand before bringing his things inside the small common room. In his junior year of college, Mark had applied to study abroad in a place he hadn’t visited in his life: Seoul, South Korea. While tempted to go back and study in his home country, Mark had taken to learning the language to broaden his horizons in an attempt to figure out what he really wanted to do once he finished his undergraduate career. A new location meant a fresh start away from any ties to his past, the perfect blank canvas Mark had been looking forward to all summer long. After being a part of the popular crowd in high school and struggling with his future path, Mark was thankful for his better academics at his university, but ultimately couldn’t wait to finish, hoping this trip would bring him the level of clarity he needed in order to take his next steps.

“It’s great to meet you in real life, Jinyoung,” Mark replied with a smile, taking his shoes off as he made sure all of his bags made it within the dorm.

“Likewise,” Jinyoung grinned, picking up a few of Mark’s belongings to help him into the bedroom he’d be using for his stay. “This will be your room, I had my mom send some extra bedding just in case you needed it. The shared bathroom is the door here on the left. Feel free to put whatever you want in the living room and kitchen.”

With an appreciative nod, Mark began to unpack a few of his belongings, simple items to make the place feel more like home: a few photos of his family, his laptop and gaming gear, his favorite pieces of clothing and shoes. Leaving the heavy lifting for another day, Mark sent another message to his parents letting them know that he had reached the university and was already settling into the dorm, hoping they could give him a call when they would be free next. While he knew the feeling wouldn’t last long, Mark felt more excited for his time away rather than homesick, excited to see something from a new perspective. Returning to the living area, Mark took a seat near Jinyoung who fetched them both some water to drink.

“Long trip?” Jinyoung asked, giggling knowingly as he inquired.

“Yeah,” Mark sighed, lounging back into the couch. “It’s kind of weird, though. I’m not tired, I think I’m running on adrenaline or something.”

“I get what you’re saying,” Jinyoung nodded, picking up his phone. “We could go for a tour of campus or something. Maybe pick up a bite to eat if you’re hungry?”

“Food sounds good,” Mark replied with a nod. “I’m not picky.”

“Cool,” Jinyoung smiled, fingers dancing across the touchscreen of his phone. “We should stop by my friend’s room, he has an abroad student staying with him, too. Originally from China or something.”

“Kinda like me,” Mark laughed slightly, watching as Jinyoung gave him a confused look. “I lived there before I moved to the states as a kid. Twelve years.”

“Ah,” Jinyoung understood, nodding as he stood up and pocketed his phone. “Jaebum might pawn him off on you, heard he’s got a big mouth.”

“Sounds like that’s his problem, not mine,” Mark smiled, following Jinyoung to the door as they both laced up their shoes.

“Hope you’re ready for the campus tour of a lifetime,” Jinyoung giggled under his breath, flashing his campus card key between his fingers. “Let’s go.”

 

 

It was a quiet late afternoon, the campus somewhat silent as they left the dorm building to start Jinyoung’s quick campus tour. While Mark wasn’t one to care much about the locations outside of the buildings he’d be using most, Jinyoung was very thorough in explaining the use of each structure they passed, making sure to put emphasis on ones Mark lingered on more than others. After passing the main dining hall and recreational facility, Jinyoung lingered near the doorway to another dormitory, waiting for a few people to exit before he led Mark inside, waiting for the elevator to take them up to a higher floor.

Strolling out of the doors, Jinyoung led them down the hall and around the corner, stopping at a nondescript door and knocking gently, footsteps lazily approaching the door before it opened a crack, a sly grin peeking through.

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum began, smiling. “You didn’t tell me you’d have company.”

“He’s my new roommate,” Jinyoung smiled, pushing the door open more for them to step inside. “Mark, meet Jaebum. I’m sure you’ll be seeing him around a lot since we’re close.”

“Nice to meet you,” Mark offered a casual handshake, Jaebum seeming agreeable enough as he managed to get his shoes on to join them.

“Likewise,” Jaebum replied, checking his pockets for his wallet and keys. “Hope you don’t mind I invited my roommate, too. I’ve been showing him around, but it’ll be nice to get him better acquainted with friends.”

“Still talking your ear off?” Jinyoung quipped, giggling as Jaebum scoffed.

“In three languages, no less,” Jaebum chuckled, shaking his head. “Mark, do you know mandarin?”

“Actually...” Mark began, words dying on his tongue as Jaebum’s roommate appeared from behind a door to their right, a shock of platinum blond hair no disguise for the person it belonged to. Shoulders more broad than they were almost ten years ago and legs that finally seemed to be strong enough for his athletic activities, Mark struggled to continue his statement before his eyes met the wide-eyed gaze of his childhood best friend.

 

Of all the places in the world, Mark never would have guessed that the next place he’d see Jiaer would be a place new to them both.

 

“Jackson,” Jaebum ushered him over with a smile, completely oblivious to the shift in the atmosphere of the small room. “This is Jinyoung’s new roommate, Mark. He’s from California.”

 _Jackson_. Mark tried to keep the name off his lips as he watched the other boy attempt to act as if he hadn’t seen a ghost from thousands of miles away. Surely, it wasn’t the ideal situation Mark had hoped to reunite in, but they could make it work, Jinyoung and Jaebum in for a great surprise to learn that their random roommates had formed a bond that they wished to last forever.

“Nice to meet you,” Jiaer, or _Jackson_ , replied coldly, hand extended in an all-too-formal handshake. “I’m Jackson.”

Confused at his reaction, Mark didn’t know what to do, looking back at Jackson and attempting to communicate with him like they used to as kids. Somehow, someway, something inside of Jackson should have still been able to decipher his scrambling thoughts, instead leaving his hand extended in place until Mark gave in, shaking it once firmly before dropping his hand to his side.

“I’m Mark,” he replied softly, suddenly all too aware that ten years had gone by with only a few words spoken.

“It’s nice to meet you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back in action! Thank you for joining me in another multi-chap au - I can't wait to continue writing and sharing these chapters with you. As you can probably tell, we're in for a bumpy and unpredictable ride, one that will probably keep everyone guessing until the end. I will continue to update tags and ships (and any other important factors) as things develop.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, please let me know your thoughts :) 
> 
> Feel free to bug me on twitter and tumblr and anywhere else!
> 
> xoxo  
> kay
> 
> twt: amerituandream  
> tumblr: kingjacskon


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Miss me?](http://pic.twitter.com/bNWAgrBPBN)

In his own personal daze, Mark somehow managed to follow Jinyoung and Jaebum’s lead back downstairs, letting Jiaer--or rather _Jackson_ \--stay ahead of his pace. His appetite from his long journey had completely disappeared, replaced by an endless black hole deep in his chest that he wished could swallow him whole. Attempting to recall the last time he thought about his former best friend, Mark kept his hands deep in his pockets, chewing on his bottom lip as his nerves continued to cast a shadow over his first night on his new journey. Realizing that his most recent memory of anything associated with Jackson was when he chose studying in Seoul over his birthplace, Mark shivered at his subconscious decision of avoiding his past, wondering if there was a parallel timeline in which they reunited at Jackson’s university, avoiding whatever clumsy introduction they both just experienced.

From behind, Jackson seemed like himself, only older. Beyond the surprising choice in hair color, Mark could see the similar athletic build that suited his frame in their youth, feeling a slight sense of amusement regarding the fact that both he and Jackson had apparently evened out in height. His sense of style had been upgraded to a casual streetwear vibe, something Mark saw in himself as well. Even with all the vague similarities, Mark couldn’t help himself as he noticed a silver bracelet wrapped around the same wrist that once showcased Mark’s finest work, leaving him to wonder if the bracelet he had made had fallen off on its own years ago and if Jackson’s secret wish had come true because of it.

Once in the restaurant, Mark happily agreed to sit next to Jinyoung, keeping his nerves in check as Jackson opted to sit across from him, immediately flipping open a menu that concealed his face. Jinyoung and Jaebum continued their discussion about the beginning of the semester, ordering drinks for the table before suggesting a few favorite dishes to both Mark and Jackson. While Mark nodded in appreciation, Jackson barely reacted, leaving Jinyoung to tap on the back of the blond’s menu.

“Since when are you the silent type?” Jinyoung joked, Mark connecting his previous comments to his own observations from his childhood. “You haven’t been quiet since the moment you introduced yourself to Jaebum online.”

“Tired,” Jackson shrugged, putting his menu flat on the table and focusing only in Jinyoung’s direction in a way that seemed too obvious to Mark. “I was napping when Jaebum invited me to go out for a meal.”

“You told me you wanted to meet more people,” Jaebum commented, motioning in Mark’s direction. “He’s a new person to meet.”

Gulping down a dry breath, Mark forced a faint smile as he reached for his glass of water as soon as the waitress placed it on the table, taking a long sip as everyone ordered their meals, placing his pick last. Jackson continued to focus on anything else surrounding them except the space Mark existed in even after his menu was taken away, practically ignoring Jaebum’s snide comment and reminder that Jackson was a total social butterfly. It was one thing for Mark to share some sort of understanding with Jackson that they both knew it wasn’t the first time they had met, but it was a completely different pattern to have to act it out in front of two people who had no idea of their shared past.

“So, Mark,” Jinyoung grinned, folding his hands neatly on the table in front of his chest, “are you nervous to begin classes this week?”

“A little,” Mark shrugged, fussing with the edge of his paper placemat in order to distract himself from his environment. “It’ll be different from what it is back in California, I’m sure.”

“People will find that pretty interesting,” Jaebum added. “Prepare for questions about it every time you bring it up.”

“Thanks for warning me,” Mark laughed softly, shaking his head. “They’ll be pretty bored once they learn it’s not as fun as it seems.”

“Wasn’t the city interesting when you moved?” Jinyoung asked, relaxing his posture a bit as the conversation continued.

“Yeah,” Mark shrugged, thinking back to his many calls to Jackson during his first few weeks in his family’s home in a suburb of Los Angeles, remembering how excited he was to explain the many differences to his closest friend. “It was a lot to take in, I was still kind of young. I had no idea of the changes I had to make, but I got used to it.”

Swearing that he heard someone scoff across the table, Mark glanced over only to realize that Jackson appeared soft and pensive, an expression that he had recalled him wearing when they would have their simple heart-to-heart discussions as kids on the swingset in Mark’s backyard. As their eyes met for a lingering gaze longer than the one from their initial reintroduction, Mark tried again to sense what Jackson was thinking, crossing his fingers under the table that their former bond still had some pieces intact. Unexpectedly, the corner of Jackson’s mouth curled slightly into the most subtle smile, something bittersweet left unspoken as Mark felt his face begin to burn under the nostalgic gaze.

“Are you okay? You seem out of it,” Jinyoung elbowed Mark’s slim side, looking more concerned than Mark thought he should be, even if it would be for a genuine problem. “The time difference is really catching up to you, isn’t it?”

“Sort of,” Mark fibbed, smiling as he noticed a large tray of food headed their way. “I think this may help, though.”

With plates scattered all across the table, Mark began to dig in as soon as Jaebum took his first bite, figuring he wouldn’t be responsible for any logical or clear answers to the many questions Jinyoung wanted to ask him with a mouth full of food. If anything, it kept him from looking at Jackson again, questions burning at the tip of his tongue. Eventually, Mark assumed, he would learn more about what the other had been up to back in his hometown, knowing that the complicated charade around their respective roommates would only increase in difficulty from that moment on.

While stuffing his face and feigning complete exhaustion helped him avoid the brunt of the conversation, Mark was keen to listen in on what the others were discussing between bites. Jinyoung rambled on about a summer assignment that was to be due the first day of classes, Jaebum pleasantly teasing him as it was revealed that Jinyoung had completed the work with over two weeks to spare. The two continued their banter with Jackson only piping in to focus in on a joke or to complain about his own work over the summer, while almost immediately directing his attention back on his food, completely ignoring Mark in the process.

Maybe it was the time difference catching up to him or the building frustrations of seeing someone he once knew every tiny detail about become ice cold to his existence, but Mark struggled to finish his meal, reaching for his wallet in his pocket as the three other men turned to focus on his movements.

“I’m feeling way more tired than I thought,” Mark stated, ruffling through the bills in his wallet to place what he owed on the table. “I’m gonna head back, but it was nice to meet you… both.”

As Jackson’s eyes darted up from his plate to meet Mark’s gaze, the blond cleared his throat and nodded slightly.

“I’m sure I’ll see you around since these two are attached at the hip,” Jackson smiled, subtle, but enough for Mark to catch.

“Yeah,” Mark nodded back, spitting out a quick goodbye to Jaebum and Jinyoung before making his way out of the restaurant towards the dorm.

Head ducked down, the thoughts continued to swirl between Mark’s ears, picking up momentum as the quiet of the night surrounded him. It all felt too coincidental to be true: his childhood best friend had ended up in the same school thousands of miles away from where they had landed, yet a one-sided decision had suddenly ruined what could have been a long-awaited reunion. Choosing to ignore the fact that he and Jackson hadn’t been in contact for years, Mark zoned in on the way Jackson had acted all meal long, from the subtle glances he would catch to the comments Jinyoung made about his shift in personality. If it was all a joke to Jackson, wouldn’t he have acted more outrageous about the reaction? Even if Jackson’s fake introduction had been all for laughs, why continue it beyond their first interaction inside their dorm room?

The thoughts carried Mark back to the correct building, remembering the number easily as he unlocked their door and slipped inside. After digging through his bags to find his toiletries, Mark stripped naked and headed to the bathroom, turning the water as hot as he could handle before washing off quickly. Long showers led to emotions and feelings he didn’t want to address in his new home, the boy wanting to avoid anything too deep right before his slumber.

Stepping out and drying off, Mark changed into his pajamas and climbed into his bed, staring at the suitcases he had brought along for his journey. Somehow, life had managed to ruin his perfectly good fresh start by presenting him with a conflict he wasn’t sure how to resolve. Only a few hours into his new beginning, Mark was questioning why he wanted to leave everything he had learned to love back in Los Angeles. Was life attempting to teach him that the grass was never going to be greener on the other side?

Audibly groaning to the empty space in his room, Mark took a look at his phone, checking a few social networks as he attempted to clear his head of any heavy thoughts before sleep. Still, even as he scrolled through his newsfeed to see what he may have been missing back home, his finger had a mind of its own, moving up to the search bar and typing in the name of the person he couldn’t remove from his mind.

Jackson Wang had over a thousand friends, countless public photos and a status update nearly every day that used one too many emojis. Every post he shared seemed to spark a conversation with people joining in to comment on whatever opinion he had attached to it, each photo received more ‘hearts’ than classic ‘likes.’ While Mark knew better than to put too much weight into something as silly as a strong social media presence, the old combination of admiration and jealousy culminated in his gut, nearly knocking him back to age 12 when he couldn’t verbalize his bittersweet resentment. Jackson had become the best version of the boy he hadn’t seen in a decade, the observation forcing Mark to exit the application before the inadequacy attempted to legitimize in his mind.

A soft knock at his door shook Mark back to present day, Jinyoung appearing in a tiny crack as he opened the door slightly.

“Everything okay?” Jinyoung asked, concerned yet not overbearing. “You left before I could stop you.”

“Oh, yeah,” Mark cleared his throat, face illuminated only by the sliver of light coming from outside his room through the doorway. “Thanks for checking on me.”

“You’re welcome,” Jinyoung smiled softly. “Jaebum and Jackson were worried about you, too. They’ll be relieved to know.”

“They were…” Mark trailed off, licking his lips as he attempted to find kind words to describe the entire situation, unsure if things had changed in Jackson’s demeanor once he had returned to the dorm. “They were nice.”

“I’ll let you get some rest,” Jinyoung waved slightly, smiling as he shut the door quietly, leaving Mark alone with his racing thoughts yet again. As he closed his eyes, the scene of Jackson’s absolute shock as they were introduced flashed into his memory, continuing to distract him from a peaceful night of rest.

 

***

 

_“Oh, good… he’s home. Hold on one second…”_

_Mark heard his mother from the kitchen as he stepped into the house after a long school day, tossing his bag onto the couch before being tugged into the dining room near the landline phone._

_“What? I was gonna get a snack,” Mark whined, attempting to head towards the pantry before being held in place._

_“You have a phone call,” his mother gestured towards the phone, “and it’s going to be expensive, so don’t take too long.”_

_Brows furrowed, Mark looked at the handset and sighed, figuring it was a relative from back near his childhood home as those were the only calls that he didn’t see directly on his own cell phone. Picking it up and sighing, Mark turned his back to his mother as he spoke._

_“Hello?”_

_“Yien…”_

_Mark gulped._

_It wasn’t family._

_“Jiaer,” Mark cleared his throat, “why are you calling my house?”_

_“I’ve tried to call your phone like… five times this month and you never called me back,” Jiaer explained. “Texted you, too…”_

_“I’ve just been busy,” Mark spat out, scowling at his mother as she offered a pensive look. “School here is really different and I have to try, like… twice as hard.”_

_“Yeah, well, I have practice every single day but I still wanna talk to my best friend,” Jiaer countered back. “It takes like one second to send a text.”_

_“Jiaer,” Mark rolled his eyes, suddenly feeling a level of annoyance he had never experienced for the boy before. “Things are_ different _now, okay? You can talk to all of your other friends you have there.”_

_“Why are you being so weird?” Jiaer asked, Mark trying his best to keep up his charade of nonchalance._

_“I’m not being weird,” Mark scoffed. “I’m the same.”_

_“Yeah, sure,” Jiaer sighed, a long period of silence following that even Mark felt uncomfortable with._

_“Just… call me whenever you feel like being my best friend again.”_

_With a click, Jiaer was gone, leaving Mark to decipher what was truly being said from across an ocean._

 

***

 

Banking on his above average observational skills and a bit of dumb luck, Mark managed to avoid seeing Jackson around campus for his entire first week of classes, preferring to retreat to his dorm room immediately after he finished his day’s work. Jinyoung rarely questioned why Mark was around so much, falling for the weak excuses that he was still getting acclimated to a new environment and schedule, Jinyoung appearing understanding and supportive throughout it all. 

After entering a small mental crisis his first few days on campus, Mark had tried his best to focus on the reasons why he had chosen to study away from home, immersing himself in his schoolwork like never before. Jinyoung was even more studious than he first appeared, the vibe of the entire apartment perfect for attempted relaxation and focus, even if Mark wasn’t always thinking about his work for his courses.

Jackson still made himself known with texts that made Jinyoung smile enough he just _had_ to share them with Mark; the emoji use and cadence of how he typed mirrored that of the profile Mark had so shamefully stalked his first night in his room. It felt like a cruel trick to have to witness someone treat him so oddly, yet still be warm and inviting to a person he had only known for maybe a month. If he ever felt too hard on himself, Mark reminded himself that he and Jackson hadn’t spoken since before high school had begun, leaving him without a leg to stand on for his jealousy.

 

On the first Friday night in his new room, Mark figured there was no better time to finally give his parents a call to tell them all about his first week away. Dialing his mother’s number to ensure someone would answer, Mark was greeted by a bright voice on the other end of the line, forcing a big smile onto his face.

“We miss you so much!” Mark’s mother beamed, the boy unable to hold back a fond giggle.

“I miss you guys, too,” Mark smiled, leaning back in his desk chair. “It’s really nice here, I think you guys should visit someday.”

“That would be lovely,” she replied. “You shouldn’t worry about seeing us, though… haven’t you made any new friends?” 

“Well, I told you about my roommate before I left,” Mark explained. “Jinyoung? He’s really nice and polite. He’s helped me get used to everything here.”

“Anyone else?”

Closing his eyes, Mark debated revealing who else had also arrived in his travels. Telling his mother would make it more real and less a hyperfixation in his mind; the entire ordeal would be better off if he kept it only to himself until it was no longer a problem. However, a part of him wanted to say it out loud, to have someone else understand that it wasn’t so easy to be placed in an awkward situation without his consent, leaving him uneasy in situations that should have been comfortable - even in a new location.

“Well…” Mark began, biting his lip. “Jiaer is here.”

A pause on the other line followed, Mark sitting up straighter in his chair as he waited for a reply.

“Mom?” 

“He _is_? Oh, Yien! You must be so thrilled!” Mark’s mother giggled joyfully. “I know you hadn’t spoken to him in years, but you were so close as kids - inseparable! Is he there on a fencing scholarship?”

“What?” Mark sighed, shaking his head as he attempted to backtrack the conversation. “I… I’m not sure. We haven’t spoken much.”

“Well, there’s plenty of time,” she replied. “I know it’s difficult to reconnect when so much time has gone by, but knowing how you both used to be, I know it’ll happen!”

“It feels… weird,” Mark laughed slightly, unsure of how to react to his mother’s misplaced positivity.

“Adult friendships are weird, dear,” she continued, a smile audible in her tone, “ but I just know you two have enough history to overcome that weirdness.”

Thinking back to his childhood, Mark inexplicably reached for his wrist where a certain bracelet once was tied, a tiny piece of home he carried with him until he replaced it with something new.

“Yeah,” Mark replied, closing his eyes as the neon pink image slipped his mind. “Maybe we do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooooo heyyyyyyyyyyy ? lmao great anyway sorry it's been 800 years! To be completely honest, I quit writing! It wasn't fun and I hated it! I haven't read fic in months! I questioned my general interest in everything!
> 
> But... I have a lot of thoughts and I started to miss it a little bit. Just a tiny bit. So, I hope you'll understand why it took me 6+ months to write 3k words :) It's a tiny baby transitional chapter, but it's something, and I hope you'll stick with me as the chapters roll and things progress and maybe JJP is here and maybe I can make some magic again.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been so kind to me while I've been in and out of this mess. Thank you thank you thank you.
> 
> (And a special thank you to Kara who always seems to keep my Markson spirit alive, even when I think it's dead and buried 6 feet under.)
> 
> <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me as it's been a moment since i've played beer pong myself

“We have plans this weekend!” 

Mark looked up from his computer screen on his desk, sliding his headphones around his neck as he glanced at his roommate in the doorway. Nearly a month into the semester, Mark had adjusted to a rigorous schedule of classes, eating, gaming and sleeping with little problem - ignoring the fact that ‘avoiding his ex-best friend by all means possible’ should have made his mental list. Weekends were usually spent on class work or arranging a time to game with his friends back home and Mark was fine with keeping things as they were. The look on Jinyoung’s face only meant that Mark’s schedule would be in danger of completely changing, the cheerful announcement too ominous in his mind.

“What kind of plans?” Mark asked, chair swiveling in Jinyoung’s direction.

“Fun plans,” Jinyoung grinned as he sat on Mark’s bed, ignoring its unmade state. “Party plans, to be precise.”

“I never took you for the partying type,” Mark joked, laughing at Jinyoung’s overdramatic offended expression.

“How _dare_ you,” Jinyoung leaned back with a hand over his heart. “Just because I am focused on my academics does _not_ mean I don’t like to have a good time!”

“I get it,” Mark smiled, shrugging as he removed his headset completely. “I guess I figured your idea of a good time was a single glass of wine on Friday nights while reviewing your notes from the past week.” 

“Well,” Jinyoung shrugged, sitting back up completely, “maybe there are a few different ways to have a good time. So, now you know two of mine.”

“I really feel like I’m learning _so_ much about you,” Mark’s sarcasm seemed to exasperate Jinyoung, the younger man standing up as he giggled.

“Saturday night,” Jinyoung stated, pausing in the doorway with a smile. “It’ll be good to get you out of this room.”

“I like this room,” Mark replied.

“Jackson will be there,” Jinyoung offered.

“What does…” Mark trailed off at the sudden bit of shared information, watching as Jinyoung exited his room with a smirk. “Whatever…” 

Sulking back in his chair and spinning himself slowly towards his monitor, Mark chewed on his bottom lip, afraid to wonder what Jinyoung had meant by his last comment. Had Jackson said something to Jinyoung in the weeks he had been avoiding his presence? Mark shook his head, assured that Jackson wasn’t going to let anyone in on the information once he made the lie, the truth too distant to bring back into the fold. Did Jinyoung assume that Mark’s cold remarks about the other man meant that he was suppressing certain feelings? It appeared to be more likely, however Mark made a mental note that Jinyoung probably assumed it was something more of a _crush_ rather than personal inner turmoil sparked by an unnecessary shift in what was actually reality.

Even though Jackson had walked back into his life weeks ago, everything was still shaken up in Mark’s mind. The memories of their childhood came to him in dreams at least once a week; speaking with his mother on the phone only caused Mark more frustration. As much as he wanted to hide away and never see the other again in fear that the secret held more weight than he first realized, Mark felt another part of his mind begin to wander down a different path, wondering if meeting Jackson one-on-one and bluntly asking _why_ he started the entire mess in the first place.

However, Mark wasn’t the confrontational type, preferring to ride things out until an answer seemed more clear. He wanted answers but he also wanted to make the most of his time at the school, constantly reminding himself of why he came there in the first place. Maybe his fresh start wasn’t completely possible until he had the answers to the many burning questions he shoved to the back of his mind.

In an attempt to find a temporary balance between his mind and circumstances, Mark placed the headset back on, turning back to his computer to resume his game, losing himself in a fantasy world where he knew the only surprises weren’t even reality to begin with.

 

 

Saturday came quicker than usual, Mark attributing the fast-paced week to his obvious dread of attending a party where he would most likely only recognize three people: his roommate, his roommate’s closest friend and the number one unnecessary cause for a portion of his stress, Jackson. While he did enjoy his fair share of partying back home with his friends and classmates, Mark knew it was based on a level of comfort in the familiar faces and locations, always having a person to lean on if things got too crazy. With his current small network of acquaintances, Mark worried he’d find his way back to his reserved habits, figuring that staying out of the way and leaning against a wall to drink a beer in peace would be the best way to get through the night.

Finishing off some pizza he had grabbed from the dining hall, Mark glanced at the clock, hoping that Jinyoung’s disappearance for the past few hours meant that he would be on his own, possibly able to put out a good excuse on why he didn’t make it. Not only did he not have the address, but he also didn’t have anyone else’s number to ask… which Mark thought was an absolute _shame_ , really.

The sound of the doorknob being unlocked and opened shook Mark from his daydream, Jinyoung bouncing in with a bag on his arm, looking more excited than Mark had ever seen. 

“I have some supplies,” Jinyoung smiled, walking over to the kitchen area and placing the bag down as the sound of a few glass bottles rattled around.

“You are too into this party thing,” Mark laughed quietly, getting up to inspect the items Jinyoung had purchased. “Are you planning to remember anything that happens tonight?”

“As long as I remember my lectures through yesterday, I can forget the rest,” Jinyoung chuckled, searching the cupboards for a few small plastic shot glasses. “Take one before you get ready.”

“But…” Mark sighed, defeated in his fight to get out of attending the event. If he didn’t go, he’d wonder all night what had happened, maybe even regretting not being able to see how Jackson acted in a new situation - at least new to Mark in this world. His normal plans could be forgotten for one night, eyes wide as Jinyoung poured a shot of some clear liquid to the brim of the glass before passing it his way.

“It will be fun,” Jinyoung promised, a slight wink sent in Mark’s direction before picking up a shot of his own, the pair downing them together.

As the liquid burned down his throat, Mark placed the glass on the counter, turning to head to change in his room, hoping that the worst of the night was already over.

 

 

The night was chilly as the seasons had started to shift, the oversized red athletic hoodie Mark decided to sport doing its best to keep him warm as he walked next to Jinyoung on the way to the house hosting the party. Jinyoung had let him know Jaebum and Jackson would already be there and that they would find them once inside, Mark silently nodding as he felt the couple shots of liquor they took together after getting dressed slosh around his head. Maybe he was drinking to cope with his projected upcoming level of social anxiety, but he owed it to Jinyoung to be a good sport and act as if everything was completely normal in his world.

 

Jinyoung had mentioned that the party would be happening in a house being rented for the year by a few of their classmates, the names sounding familiar but ultimately unimportant. What seemed important as he took one step into the house was to weave through the crowd and find the first cooler of beer, hoping to potentially lose Jinyoung in the process. As Jinyoung got cornered by a boy of a similar height that he remembered as Wonpil from their previous conversations, Mark slipped away and towards what he assumed would be the kitchen, avoiding clumps of friends chatting loudly over the blaring stereo. Locating the stash of cans, Mark grabbed two, keeping one in his hoodie for when he’d inevitably want a second but knowing he wouldn’t want to deal with all those people for a second time.

Cracking open his can, Mark found a clear spot in the living room to lean against the wall, overhearing a poorly-tuned acoustic guitar being played in the corner. On first glance, the guy could have passed for Jackson, blond hair and a gaggle of individuals crowding around him. However, a turn of his face revealed that he was someone else entirely, wire-rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. Taking a sip and turning his attention elsewhere, Mark felt a presence pop up on his left, a soft giggle making him turn his head to address it.

“Mark, right?” The girl was a few inches shorter than him, dark hair and blunt bangs framing her round face and big eyes. She looked familiar, but Mark couldn’t place the name. 

“Uh, yeah,” he attempted a smile. “I’m sorry, I’m not great with names…”

“Momo,” she giggled, reaching for Mark’s empty hand and shaking it. “We have class together, Tuesdays and Thursdays?”

“Right,” Mark smiled politely with a nod as he pulled his hand away, taking another drink. “Nice to, um, meet you.”

“Same to you,” Momo smiled brightly, taking up the small amount of space on the wall next to Mark. “I was looking around for some more of my friends, but then I noticed you were all alone, so I figured I’d come say hi! You’re from the states, right? California?”

Mark squinted his eyes a bit, trying to comprehend how a person he had never communicated with knew so much, even if it seemed like only surface information.

“Yeah, how’d you know?” He asked, figuring it was best to be direct… in a situation where he didn’t feel slighted.

“Just heard it around,” she giggled again, mouth moving and words continuing but oblivious to Mark’s attention shifting to a loud laugh and surrounding noise feet away, Jackson, sporting a black snapback and making his presence known to the group by the boy with the guitar. Swallowing dryly, Mark pretended not to notice the black sleeveless shirt that Jackson wore, the sides cut dangerously low on his toned torso. Mark also did his best to ignore the skinny black jeans and dusty gray combat boots laced up his shins, athletic build more obvious than ever.

Jackson laughed and spoke with the whole group, even making the guitarist play a few things for him to dance to, soaking up the attention. Mark held back a pointed glare, drinking from his can as he attempted to focus on Momo’s kinder conversation, crossing his fingers that she wasn’t privy to him watching Jackson from the corner of his eye. Jaebum and Jinyoung were nowhere to be found which explained more that Mark had secretly been wanting to know - that Jackson was just as popular hundreds of miles away from home than he was back when they were only kids. Feeling the unmistakable bubble of envy gurgling in his gut, Mark finished off his first drink and procured the second from his hoodie pocket to the delight of Momo, offering her the first drink to which she gladly accepted before passing it back his way.

Momo was nice. She hadn’t left Mark’s side to find the rest of her friends which he interpreted as only a sly excuse to speak to him while she had a chance. While Mark didn’t offer much to the conversation, preferring to focus on drinking more, she kept chatting and accepted his short answers, giggling whenever he made a comment that was only slightly humorous. It felt a lot like the parties back in Los Angeles, Mark never wanting to be the center of attention but always enjoying the company of a few close friends, even enjoying the small spark of attraction when someone caught his eye.

Momo was nice… but he wasn’t interested.

“Mark!”

Snapping his head away from the vague space that existed between Momo and the circle Jackson had joined, Mark turned to see Jinyoung, cheeks pink from the copious amounts of alcohol being enjoyed.

“This is Momo,” Mark introduced her to Jinyoung, the pair sharing a small smile and nod before Jinyoung grasped Mark’s bicep.

“Please excuse us.”

Pulling Mark along as he placed his arm around the older’s shoulders, Jinyoung smirked in his direction, the grin more devious than suspicious. 

“Sorry to pull you away from your blushing _admirer_ ,” Jinyoung chuckled, the smell of beer permeating the space between them, “but I couldn’t help but notice a certain pair of eyes looking at a _different_ person in a corner.”

“Who?” Mark scrunched up his face, unsure if he was faking confusion or actually twisted into Jinyoung’s words. “Me?”

“Be honest with me.” Jinyoung switched his persona instantaneously, turning to place both of his hands firmly on Mark’s shoulders. “Do you have a thing for Jackson Wang, campus hotshot? Roommate of Jaebum? Blond superstar collegiate athlete?”

His suspicions of Jinyoung assuming the wrong reasons why Mark had avoided the other man were confirmed, Jinyoung’s choice of descriptors completely unnecessary to the accusation.

“Campus… what?” Mark shook his head, wishing he had taken one extra beer from the cooler to sip on. “No! I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You got all flustered when you met,” Jinyoung giggled, leading them along through the party crowds once again. “You avoid him when we all run into each other on campus, you even change the subject when I barely mention his name.”

“I…” Mark trailed off, sighing as his brain worked overtime to come up with another solid excuse that Jinyoung had a chance to believe.

“Need me to play matchmaker?” Jinyoung wiggled his eyebrows, giggling as he watched Mark turn pink. “Jaebum and I could write a novel about our roommates falling in love…”

“Jesus Christ,” Mark muttered, finally shaking loose from his roommate’s grip. “I don’t have a thing for him, okay? It’s nothing.”

“Nothing… or a life-long bond beginning to form,” Jinyoung sighed, turning on his dramatics to taunt Mark further. “Why can’t you see what I so clearly do?”

“Because you’re insane,” Mark offered, looking around as they stepped into another room.

“Maybe,” Jinyoung smiled, nodding in the direction of a beer pong game taking place against the back wall. “Wanna play?”

Finally cracking a competitive grin, Mark rolled up his sleeves to get himself in the winning mindset.

“You’re on.”

 

 

Mark hadn’t lost a game of beer pong since his freshman year of college, always focused on the prize at the end of each match: a sense of pride in not only himself, but also in his specific skill set that never let him down. Playing against Jinyoung was nothing different, the atmosphere more relaxed as the other had seemed to forget the entire conversation they had prior to entering the room. Jinyoung also seemed to be worse off on the intoxication front which made it even easier to succeed, Mark celebrating every cup won obnoxiously to spite Jinyoung and his line of questioning.

Winding down their second match, Jinyoung squealed in delight after missing Mark’s setup completely, rushing over to hug Jaebum as he entered the room. Trying his best not to smile at the level of affection his roommate was showing, Mark did a double take as he noticed Jackson in tow, the blond adjusting his cap backwards on his head, a few shorter strands poking through the opening in the front. While Jackson’s round brown eyes focused on him, a soft smile formed on his lips as if they were suddenly _okay_ , Mark shifting his attention back on the table and making a perfect shot while Jinyoung was preoccupied.

“Looks like you’re done, Jinyoungie,” Mark smiled. “I win again!”

“Oh, fuck,” Jinyoung unwrapped himself from Jaebum’s torso, sighing and hanging his head low. “Why are you so good at this? Is this what you’re taught at American universities?”

“Kinda,” Mark giggled, sipping on a freshly opened can. “I am a legend back home.”

“Let me play,” Jackson cut in, the tension shifting back against Mark, his proud smile replaced by a tight line. “I wanna see what you can _really_ do.”

Maybe a game of beer pong wasn’t the best way to release his irritations with the other, but it was worth a shot. Gesturing to the place across the table, Mark took a step back and reracked his cups, watching as Jackson did the same. Jinyoung and Jaebum stood silently as they watched the pair begin their game, each sinking their first toss successfully, Mark sizing up Jackson with each turn thereafter.

Unfortunately, Jackson was just as competitive as Mark, even as his cups dwindled faster than the other’s, using his unmistakable charisma to cover up any minor mistakes. Mark had never seen so many pointless trick shots, incredulous expressions showing how he really felt about it all. If Jackson wanted to show off, Mark thought, he should wait until he was winning, something he _clearly_ did not know how to do. After securing his rightful win against his former friend, Mark looked up to shake his hand and thank him for a good game, wanting to show that sportsmanship could extend beyond the typical activities. 

Jackson only flashed a smile, reorganizing his cups in place in front of him.

“I’m not going down that easily,” Jackson declared. “Best two out of three. Down?”

Mark wanted to scream. Not only was Jackson taunting him on a daily basis by pretending he didn’t even know him, but Jackson also had to discredit Mark’s win in something as silly (yet serious) as a round of beer pong. Jinyoung and Jaebum looked on as the competitive “spirit” made its presence known in the room, Mark finally nodding to acknowledge the other’s request. He hadn’t lost to anyone… why would Jackson be any different?

Once the new match was confirmed, Jinyoung clapped in his own excitement, calling out past the doorway into the party that a challenge had been declared. In the time that it had taken Mark to rearrange everything in front of him back to normal, the room had filled with curious onlookers, including the guitar man from the first room and Mark’s one-sided romantic crush, Momo.

Licking his lips, Jackson prepared his first shot, Mark watching as Jackson didn’t offer any showboating to accompany his toss. As the white ball flew threw the air and into the first cup on Mark’s side, the crowd cheered, Mark glaring at Jackson’s undeserving smirk as he drank the contents inside. From that moment on, Mark locked into his most focused mode, completing his next two turns successfully. What he didn’t expect was for Jackson to keep up turn-for-turn, Mark drinking more than he had the entirety of their last match.

Unfortunately, Mark’s palms began to sweat, fingers slippery as the ball missed a few turns in a row. Jackson made up his slack, surpassing Mark with ease. Mark couldn’t believe what was happening; no one had ever made him lose control so quickly in a single game, causing him to essentially hand the match over. Mark would never admit that Jackson had skills as polished as his, preferring to place the blame on himself for losing focus on his final goal. As Jackson made the final cup to finish him off, he celebrated with a loud shout, Jaebum clapping him on the back as the crowd continued to pile on their praise.

If Mark wasn’t frustrated with Jackson before, he was furious after losing. His streak was ruined, composure shot as he did his best to ignore the hoard of observers who clearly didn’t give a fuck about him. Jackson had waltzed onto campus and became an instant hit, letting everyone fawn over his good looks and even better skills. Mark seemed to be a silent casualty, a person who no one felt necessary to give credit to for a great first game played. As Jinyoung even prodded Jackson in his over-the-top celebration, Momo remained the only individual on his team, offering a soft pat on his back before he was ready for the next game.

“You’ve got this,” she smiled, raising her fists in encouragement. “Go for it.”

Mark stared straight ahead at Jackson, eyes squinting and brows furrowed. He had to get himself and his mind back in the game, for his pride and for his sanity. Cups lined back up, Mark cleared his throat to end the conversations Jackson had wrapped himself into, drawing attention of the room back onto the game.

“Like you said, best of three,” Mark spoke, voice low as if a simple drinking game needed to level up in intensity. 

Cocking a single eyebrow, Jackson quickly lined up his cups, forcefully shooting a single white ball across the table and into Mark’s chest.

“What are you waiting for?” 

Taking his first throw as soon as Jackson finishes his question, Mark realigned his focus, making his shot. The crowd reacted with a slight gasp and murmur amongst themselves, Jackson glaring back at Mark as if he had personally offended him. Snapping his own shot back, Jackson made the same move into the exact spot on Mark’s side, tilting his head as if to say _you have no idea who you are dealing with_. Maybe Jackson was right, but Mark wasn’t going to go down without a fight, the two dueling back and forth with every toss, the crowd entranced by the level of competition happening somewhere as silly as the backroom of a college house party. Jinyoung leaned into Jaebum, hand on his chest as they stood stunned at the scene in front of them, somewhat intimidated by Mark and Jackson’s matched levels of fervor.

As the game came to a head, Mark bit his lip as he realized he and Jackson each only had one cup left, Jackson’s latest shot bringing them to the final showdown. Rolling the ball between his fingers, Mark took a deep breath, eyes zeroing in on his target before throwing it with purpose and precision - only to have the ball bounce off the edge of the cup, dropping to the ground a second later. A look in Jackson’s direction confirmed Mark’s fears, the same look of unrivaled confidence spreading from ear to ear as he lined up his own turn, making it look easy as the ball fell into the final cup on Mark’s side, the crowd going wild for the earned win.

Already drunk and feeling sorry for himself for a million different reasons, Mark didn’t wait around for the celebrations to end to push himself through the crowd to find an exit, ready to be back in his own room, away from the commotions unfolding within Jackson’s orbit. Jinyoung had followed him close behind, grabbing his shoulder only to be shaken off, still attempting to keep close as Mark stormed out of the house.

“You guys were really good!” Jinyoung exclaimed, keeping pace with Mark’s heavy steps. “Everyone was _so_ into that, you guys would make an unstoppable team.” 

“Not interested,” Mark muttered, pulling his hood up over his head to keep warm… and to tune him out.

“Oh, come on,” Jinyoung didn’t let up, giggling as he made his way in front of Mark to stop him. “Your developing sexual tension can’t be solved with a game of beer pong, I’m sure there are better routes…” 

Pushing his tipsy roommate to the side, Mark ignored the faint _‘oof!’_ as Jinyoung tripped into a nearby bush, wondering how much longer he’d have to keep the brewing annoyances inside until Jackson would come clean, clearing Mark’s name and all suspicions their roommates had about their dubious relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seems like things are brewing~ mark is getting frustrated~ jackson seems oblivious~ jinyoung thinks he knows it all~
> 
> next chapter someone new will be introduced as we get into more of mark's way of dealing with the inescapable presence that is jackson!
> 
> also, i am planning to update this on a more regular basis, every saturday (or sunday, depending on your time zone) as long as i keep myself on a schedule. it's nice to have something to look forward to and i know it's always great to have something waiting to read in your inbox, so please subscribe if you'd like to be notified of my postings!
> 
> you can also follow me on twitter as i continue to post a bunch of random stuff (and celebrate this amazing comeback) - @amerituandream
> 
> thank you as always for commenting! for reading! for being amazing and supporting this story.
> 
> xoxo k


	4. Chapter 4

After the disastrous ending to his first party abroad, Mark realized he needed to get a grip. His entire reason for selecting his current abroad program was to have a fresh start, a way to clear his mind to find the best path moving forward in his adult life. It would be just like Jackson to throw him off as he always used to, the invisible ties of what once was still tangling around him like a spider’s web. Unlike in the past, Mark wasn’t going to let his time slide by without at least _attempting_ to reel himself and his focus back within a comfortable distance; he was going to choose himself over the comfort of others and hope for the best.

The obvious inconvenience haunted him daily as rooming with one of the associated parties kept him on his toes. Jinyoung might have been his closest friend miles away from home, but the direct link to Jackson disrupted what little confidentiality Mark may have had with the other man. There was no way he could open up to Jinyoung and trust his opinions, especially after the assumptions Jinyoung confirmed at the party. Jaebum was guilty by association, somehow glued to Jinyoung’s hip in most social circumstances.

A little lonely but not completely defeated, Mark looked for another option, knowing it was never his strong suit to reach out and make new friends. He wanted things to appear naturally, as if fate had put the people he had around him in his life on purpose, everything settled in the stars. Fearing that his luck hadn’t traveled with him across an ocean, Mark eventually stumbled across the community bulletin board outside the main dining hall on campus, flashy metallic cardboard letters labeling different clubs and opportunities. Ignoring every single posting that seemed to take socializing to an unnecessary level, his eyes landed on a neon green page with a cheesy piece of clip art in the middle, the words _GAMING CLUB_ scrawled across the top. Knowing that the group would most likely be filled with introverts like himself, Mark snapped a quick photo of the page, making sure he caught when and where the group usually met, noting the next meeting was two nights from then.

Shoving his phone back into his pocket, Mark began the walk back to his dorm, silently praying that Jinyoung was out with Jaebum and Jackson, not wanting to address anything that happened at the party, no matter how much Jinyoung claimed to not remember. Unluckily for him, Jinyoung sat on the couch as he entered the room, blank face apparently enough of a reason for his roommate to pick up on.

“Hey, come sit,” Jinyoung smiled, scooting over to allow more room for both of them on the couch.

“Nah, I have a lot of work to do,” Mark fibbed, knowing that he would most likely end up locking the door and watching videos on his phone until he fell asleep.

“Well, okay,” Jinyoung shrugged. “I thought you might have been interested in hearing what happened after the world series of beer pong at the party this weekend.”

“Why?” Mark turned around, pausing from his current place outside his bedroom door, curiosity winning out.

“Because Jaebum told me and I like to gossip,” Jinyoung replied with a cat-like smile, motioning for Mark to join him, the older finally taking a seat.

“Fine,” Mark conceded, figuring his night of leisure could continue even with a slight distraction.

“You know how you were talking with Momo all night?” Jinyoung held back a full-faced grin, amused at his own knowledge of the situation.

“I mean, it wasn’t all night,” Mark folded his arms low in his lap, “but yeah, sure. I remember talking to her.”

“Well, Jae saw you two,” Jinyoung explained, responding to Mark’s twisted face of confusion, “the guitar guy?”

“Right,” Mark played along, finding little of interest in his story, “and your point?”

“Jae and Jackson are friends,” Jinyoung giggled quietly. “Jae and Jaebum are friends, too.”

“Thanks for the info,” Mark moved to stand up, Jinyoung’s quick reflexes pushing him back down in his seat with only a hand on his shoulder.

“Jae told Jaebum that Jackson wouldn’t stop looking at you because you were talking with _her_ ,” Jinyoung grinned, acting as if the information was revealing anything earth-shattering to his world. “Isn’t that fun?”

“So, what?” Mark had to laugh, shaking his head as he peeled himself away from Jinyoung’s grip and headed back to his doorway. “Are you selectively choosing to not remember when I said how insane your theories are? It’d be nice if you would actually listen to what I’m saying.”

“I’m trying to help,” Jinyoung replied, cocky grin showing Mark that maybe he wasn’t the first friend he had tried to offer his “expert assistance” to.

“There’s nothing for you to help with,” Mark laughed again, walking into his room and shouting back for his roommate to hear, “period!”

Shutting his door to the protest of Jinyoung, Mark leaned against the back of it, closing his eyes and sighing deeply. He felt that Jinyoung was being childish, poking and prodding until Mark would eventually cave in. He was usually easy going, but it felt as if his own persona was shifting from outside factors out of his control.

The list of reasons to reach out to a different world continued to grow, the image of the brightly colored flier from the dining hall popping back into his mind. As he pulled the image up on his phone screen, Mark took a calming breath, memorizing the details in hopes of finding a peaceful haven away from idiotic rumors.

 

 

After finishing up his last class for the day, Mark opted for a quick nap before the gaming club meeting’s advertised start time. Jinyoung was again missing-in-action, an unusual sense of calm settling through their shared dorm. Mark was able to rest without fear of being woken up to hear another dumb piece of information about Jackson, wondering if Jinyoung had maybe started avoiding him due to his precious reactions.

Mark ate a quick bowl of cereal before making his way to the computer sciences building where the meeting was taking place, unsure if he was supposed to bring any of his own equipment. Figuring that he could always come back if necessary, Mark shrugged and turned the last corner before locating the specific classroom. Once inside, Mark noticed a few students scattered throughout the space, all already deeply engrossed in various portions of a similar game on the computers in the lab. It didn’t feel as if it would be a traditional meeting and Mark regretted leaving his headset behind. As he debated leaving the room to go fetch them from his dorm, a familiar bob of dark brown hair caught his eye, his stare apparently pulling the girl’s attention onto his location.

“Mark!” Momo beamed, sliding off her headset as she stood up to greet him. “What are you doing here?”

“Gaming club,” Mark replied, rubbing he back of his neck nervously, wondering if _someone_ had set him up here too. “I kind of wanted to check it out…”

“Oh, then you have to meet the president of the club,” she smiled, placing her headphones on her chair before shuffling him over near another student, the boy hunched over his keyboard and incredibly focused on whatever was unfolding on the screen.

“Yugyeom…” Momo cleared her throat, not so subtly nudging the gamer in the back with her elbow. “We have a potentially interested party…”

“Seriously?” Yugyeom scoffed, tossing his headset on the keyboard before turning to face them both. Floppy black hair nearly covered his eyebrows, but his eyes were clear as they widened at the sight of Mark. “Oh! She wasn’t joking…”

“Yeah,” Mark cleared his throat, the combination of a reminder of the party and the awkward introduction leading him to an uneasy feeling. “I wasn’t sure how to join?”

“Well, you’re here… welcome!” Yugyeom smiled, shooing Momo back to her own game to Mark’s relief. “Honestly, we’re pretty laid back. No crazy rules or anything to do to officially join. What games do you like to play?”

“Mostly what you were just doing,” Mark took a seat next to Yugyeom, leaning against the arm rest. “I usually play with friends back home, but the time difference sucks.”

“Ah, yeah a lot of people say that,” Yugyeom nodded. “We play together here, but we also play outside of the time we have in this room. It’s nice to have a few solid people that you can rely on.”

“Exactly,” Mark smiled, feeling like someone was finally understanding his little problems. “I’m Mark, by the way.”

“Shit, I’m so bad at this…” Yugyeom replied, reaching out his hand to shake Mark’s. “Yugyeom, as you heard. Glad you joined us.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Mark chuckled. “I’m just happy to be out of my dorm.”

“I know that feeling,” Yugyeom smiled, turning in his chair to reach behind the monitor, retrieving a pair of headphones similar to the ones he was first wearing. “Wanna join me?”

“Yeah,” Mark nodded, thrilled at the simplicity of their interactions as he slid them over his head. “Let’s do this.”

 

 

Mark was eternally grateful to whatever higher power led him to finding the campus gaming club, having gained an easy friend in Yugyeom. Beyond the group’s meetings, they played together from the comfort of their own dorm rooms, bonding over in-game activities and the conversations held while completing the objectives. Mark learned that Yugyeom was attending the school for a general business degree, hoping to eventually join a startup company once he graduated. His biggest dream was to eventually become skilled enough to compete for cash, an idea Mark had once briefly considered as well.

Spending time online led the two to eventually meet up more outside the realms of their virtual worlds, Mark excited to have made a friend outside his initial bubble. They would hang out in the living room of Mark’s place as Yugyeom frequently described his smaller one room shared space as “disgusting,” a view Mark was happy to avoid. The added benefit of Jinyoung’s obvious annoyance with the younger’s antics also offered Mark a new joy, a task he wasn’t capable of doing on his own. His roommate would frequently make up excuses to leave, assuredly escaping to his safety net of Jaebum and Jackson.

_Jackson_. Perhaps that was the best part of his new social circle: the ability to finally break his mental trap of the other guy. While new friends and fun activities didn’t completely drown out the questions hanging in the air, Mark’s new daily schedules let him weave around them easily, Yugyeom completely clueless to the outrageous coincidence.

Perhaps Mark was feeling all too lucky, choosing to spend the night in and not hide behind his computer screen. With a movie cued up to stream, Mark sat with his array of spicy takeout foods on the table in front of the television, starting to chow down only as Jinyoung sauntered through the doorway.

“Oh my god,” Jinyoung faked a gasp. “You’re here? _Alone_?”

“Yes…” Mark rolled his eyes, placing his chopsticks down. “Yugyeom isn’t here either, in case you were going to ask.”

“That kid’s a brat,” Jinyoung argued. “You can’t blame me!”

“Takes one to know one,” Mark snorted, turning back to his food and movie.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jinyoung replied, tossing his bag into the spare chair, sitting next to Mark and stealing a dumpling. Seemingly content with whatever Mark was watching, Jinyoung leaned into the corner of the couch, letting Mark finish his meal in peace.

“Hey, I do have an invite for you,” Jinyoung spoke moments later, pausing the movie without permission.

“Come on,” Mark reached for the remote, Jinyoung holding it over his head with a devilish grin.

“Jackson has a fencing match this weekend and we’re invited,” Jinyoung spoke simply, enjoying the look of annoyance on Mark’s face more than anyone should.

Mark considered the short statement, replaying it back and forth in his mind a few times. Of _course_ Jackson kept up with his fencing abilities, apparently enjoying it enough to continue it throughout his undergraduate career. It explained Jackson’s defined physique, a memory of Jackson’s sleeveless shirt from the party slipping into his thought process.

“We’re invited?” Mark asked, giving up on his quest for the remote. “Who is we?”

“You, me and Jaebum,” Jinyoung smiled. “It’s at the gymnasium on Saturday, so we don’t have to travel. I thought it’d be nice to give him some support since he doesn’t have family here.”

“Yeah,” Mark couldn’t help the bitter laugh he let out, shaking his head. “Why not invite his crowd of adoring fans from the party? He has plenty of people who’d cheer him on.”

“Oh, come on,” Jinyoung whined. “We’re his _friends_. This is what friends _do_.”

Remembering that Jinyoung was clueless to their history, Mark sighed to himself, wondering if acting like you didn’t even _know_ a person from your past was something friends also did.

“Fine,” Mark nodded enough for the other to detect, “but only because I know you’ll be annoying about it until I agree.”

“Good,” Jinyoung grinned, moving to ruffle Mark’s hair, wrist being caught mid-movement.

“ _Brat_ ,” Mark mumbled, letting go and focusing back on the television screen, nudging Jinyoung to press play.

 

 

Even though he had agreed to go to the match, it didn’t stop Mark from attempting to get out of it. From spitting excuses about coursework to acting like he didn’t know what Jinyoung was talking about, he tried his best to show his roommate that it was going to be a waste of his time to attend. Jinyoung didn’t fall for any of it, claiming that he was there to experience the world outside of his comfort zone he had back home, insisting that going to the match was something new and exciting to see.

Once the day arrived, Mark slept in as much as he could, eventually hearing a knock on his door to make sure he wasn’t still trying to escape the activity.

“Mark, we’re leaving in 20 minutes,” Jinyoung reminded him, Mark picturing him checking his wristwatch impatiently. “Please be ready on time.”

“You’re so…” _Annoying? Frustrating? Clueless?_

“Punctual? I know,” Jinyoung giggled. “Don’t make me come in there.”

Groaning as he uncovered himself from the comforting space of his own bed, Mark slid out and over to a stack of clean clothes hanging over the back of his desk chair. Hoping that the match wouldn’t last long, Mark mentally planned a return after eating lunch, free to nap away any remaining bothersome thoughts about the day. After zipping up a pair of jeans and struggling into an oversized long sleeved shirt, he adjusted his hair in the bathroom mirror, brushing his teeth before exiting to the joy of Jinyoung, Jaebum somehow silently existing beside him.

“Hey,” Jaebum nodded in his direction, their usual calm and casual connection a relief to Mark.

“Sorry,” Mark nodded back, locating his keys and shoving them in his pocket. “Jinyoung didn’t let me know we had _company_.”

“I told you we were going together,” Jinyoung reminded him, pondering his statement briefly, “or I at least alluded to it.”

“It’s cool,” Jaebum smiled, standing up straight from his leaning position against the wall. “You guys ready to go?”

With a verbal yes from Jinyoung, Mark followed the pair out of their dorm room, into the hallway and outside, walking down the sidewalk in the direction of the gymnasium on campus. Mark had never been to the building, not one to focus on his physical health or even interested in what the facility had to offer. It would be just like Jackson to make this place his home away from home, his abilities and dedication obvious even from a young age.

_Jackson_. The thought of the other made Mark’s stomach drop, the realization of what he was about to witness finally settling in. When they were younger, Mark had watched Jackson compete a few times over the years, wanting to see what all of his training and practice was adding up to. He always felt left out of that part of Jackson’s life, watching as he made countless friends with those he practiced with and competed against. Fencing seemed to be a part of Jackson’s identity that Mark compartmentalized into the ‘when things began to feel different’ category, the contrast in their own personalities and goals becoming clearer as they aged up.

 

While Jackson had his sport, Mark had more free time where his best friend used to be.

 

Inside the gym, spectators buzzed about the entrance, students Mark recognized from his dorm and classes filing in as well. The event wasn’t as busy as something more mainstream, but those in attendance didn’t seem to mind, looking genuinely interested in the sport itself. Jinyoung found a space for them to sit together, not too close to the floor, but not far enough away for Mark’s peace of mind. Fidgeting with his phone and acting as if there was something _way_ more interesting on his device, Mark blocked out the conversation Jaebum and Jinyoung held next to him, the sound of the crowd as the first matches began pulling him through the event.

“He’s next,” Jinyoung tapped his forearm what seemed like seconds later, gesturing to a display of the competitors’ names on the other side of the open space. “You ready?”

“I guess?” Mark replied, keeping his phone in his hand, gaze dropping to the competition space to subtly search for Jackson. Unluckily for him, everyone was already suited up for their scheduled bouts, no way for him to easily pick him out. “Wait, where is…”

“There,” Jinyoung pointed to a body that seemed to be like any other, the smirk on his face growing as Mark followed his direction. “You’re welcome.”

Pausing and collecting his thoughts before choosing not to argue with his roommate, Mark watched the figure Jinyoung had labeled as Jackson and kicked himself for not realizing which he was before. He was a bit shorter than those around him, thicker build unable to hide in the crisp white uniform. As if he knew Mark was staring, Jackson removed his mask to wipe at his forehead, pushing his hair back as he took a drink from his water bottle, glancing around the stadium. Hoping to sink into the background, Mark quickly moved his eyes elsewhere only for Jinyoung to wave at the other, pulling Jackson’s attention where he didn’t want it.

As Jackson fixed his mask back on, Mark sighed and waited for it to begin, a bit bored by the whole ordeal. The gym felt stuffy and he didn’t have a good exit plan, practically wedged between a random spectator and Jinyoung. Jackson’s match began and only made matters worse, his expertise and clear skill outshining his opponent. Of course, Jackson was brilliant at the sport, even better than Mark remembered from their preteen days. But, Mark thought to himself, how could Jackson be blessed with so much talent? How could someone with skills in every aspect of life exist within his own world?

The thoughts were as old as their former friendship: Mark wasn’t Jackson. Constantly compared in the most innocent of ways by their families growing up, he was well aware of the ways they differed, highlighted even more by the fact that Jackson blossomed at the smallest bit of praise. Mark never cracked through his shell, opting to enjoy the comforts of his own limits, even if it meant that others wouldn’t see him the way that those knew him best did. It was easier and his choices helped him transition into a new life away from his first home, replacing his half-hearted walls with something a bit flimsier.

Shaking his head back to reality, Mark looked on as Jackson was declared the winner, Jinyoung and Jaebum openly cheering. They moved to stand up, Mark watching as they made their way down a few stairs before Jinyoung was back to drag Mark along with them, acting more stern and parental than his usual overbearing self.

“You should come congratulate him with us,” Jinyoung insisted, knowing full well that Mark wouldn’t have a choice. “He will be happy to see you.”

“I can’t believe you’re still going on about this,” Mark groaned, still following his roommate. “Do you not believe me? Seriously?”

“No,” Jinyoung grinned, heading for the gym floor as everything wrapped up, standing near the exit for the athletes to head to the locker rooms. “The fact that you came all this way only to keep yourself tucked away in your room is offensive to me. Don’t you want to make the most of this? Or were you bullshitting me online before we met?”

Glaring at Jinyoung instead of offering a reply, Mark wished he could tell the truth. If anyone needed to know, it was Jinyoung, the man obviously excited by the smallest amount of drama. Mark wanted out of the cycle, imagining himself pulling his roommate into his own realm and exposing Jackson for the liar that he was. The gym wasn’t the best place to explain himself and his mouth was further shut at the sight of Jackson joining them, face beaming with pride at his results.

“You came!” Jackson laughed, offering a greeting to Jaebum and Jinyoung, abruptly transforming into something a shade softer as his eyes landed on Mark. “You came…”

The same tension that made its presence known the night they met again for the first time in years reappeared, Mark’s mouth tightening up as Jackson seemed to wait for a response.

“Well,” Mark cleared his throat, knowing that Jinyoung was watching them like a hawk, “you invited us, so…”

“Oh, yeah,” Jackson looked between him and Jinyoung, a wild smile appearing out of nowhere. “That’s right! I did. I invited you.”

“Good job out there,” Jaebum cut in, doing a better job than Jinyoung at dissipating the tension. “You really killed it.”

“Thanks,” Jackson seemed to glow with every hint of praise. “I’ve been practicing my ass off, my parents were worried I would slack on it just because I was in a different place.”

Jinyoung and Jaebum chatted Jackson’s ear off, the three looking like lifelong friends. Mark’s mind began to blur, wondering if the emotions stirring inside of his gut were jealousy, sadness or flat-out confusion. Without his crowd of acquaintances surrounding him, Jackson seemed humble and kind, energized by a conversation. Was it all for show? Maybe it always had been, Mark’s memory attempting to dig up a concrete example as he felt a hand on his arm, concentration broken.

“Hey,” Jackson smiled his _stupid_ childish grin, one that kicked Mark all the way back to his childhood home and the backyards they seemed to share, “did you hear us? We’re gonna go get some food after I change.”

“I can’t,” Mark declined without a second to consider the offer, words falling out almost as a safety barrier to keep the distance between them wide. “I have some work to do back at the dorm.”

“Oh,” Jackson’s face fell instantly, the corners of his lips struggling to turn up into a fake smile. “Well, thanks for coming, at least.”

“Yeah,” Mark nodded, watching as Jackson’s arm fell from his as he excused himself to the locker room. Jinyoung’s annoyance made itself known with a deep sigh, his roommate standing with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

“Well, what are you doing here still? Don’t you have _work_ to do?” Jinyoung implored, Jaebum ignoring the dramatics to check his phone.

“Save it, Jinyoung,” Mark replied, the image of a crestfallen Jackson still on his mind. “I’ll see you guys later.”

With a pleasant goodbye from Jaebum and a cold-shoulder from Jinyoung, Mark briskly walked out of the gymnasium into the clear fall air outside. He didn’t feel any anger towards Jackson in the moment and his mind seemed to pull him away from any ill-will temporarily.

Watching Jackson execute the same moves he had seen in their youth led him to a state of nostalgia, the first time Mark desperately wished to go back to an easier time. It had been years since any homesickness from his childhood dwelling surfaced, yet in a country closer to it than ever, Mark wished he could see it one last time. Maybe he had grown up and experienced more life-changing occurrences in the states, but his most cherished memories always took place in China, where he decided who he truly was and would always be.

Back in the dorm, Mark lounged in his bed, lights off and blackout curtains shut, thinking of his past friendships. Was it silly of him to hold a grudge against Jackson this long since they reunited? _No_ , Mark thought, _because I’m not the one who wanted to play this game_.

Studying abroad was supposed to be his fresh start and even after adjusting his ways to make that a reality, there was always going to be something — _someone_ — to remind him it wasn’t.

 

***

 

_“Hold it like this!”_

_Jiaer adjusted the dangerously long and pointy stick in Yien’s hand, picking up his own twig once he was satisfied with the grip._

_“Why didn’t we just use your real stuff,” Yien asked. “It would be so much more fun… and cool.”_

_“Because,” Jiaer rolled his eyes, “my dad would_ kill _me if I did. You’d look really cool with a sabre, too!”_

_Yien smiled at the compliment, cheeks blushing as he took a creative stance, attempting to replicate how he had seen Jiaer start his matches, “let’s go!”_

_With a devilish grin, Jiaer moved into a position and counted down before lunging at Yien, the two friends giggling profusely as their faux weapons dueled for a win. As Yien pulled his arm back to adjust his aim, Jiaer pushed forward, stick going a bit too far as the sharp point jabbed Yien’s upper arm, skin broken at the contact._

_“Ow!” Yien dropped his own weapon at the pain, immediately moving to scope out his new wound._

_“Yien! Oh my god,” Jiaer did the same, grabbing his arm after a small protest from his other friend. “I’m so sorry!”_

_“I thought you said it doesn’t hurt,” Yien sighed, watching as the scratch bled onto the sleeve of his t-shirt._

_“It doesn’t, but I’m usually covered… I’m sorry,” Jiaer looked concerned, the usual unnecessary level of panic he expressed apparent. “Come on!”_

_Taking Yien into his house, the boys rushed to the upstairs bathroom, Jiaer forcing Mark to sit on the closed toilet as he pulled supplies from a first aid kit under the sink. Expertly cleaning the injury, Jiaer then sealed it with a mystery gel and bandage, sighing as he took a seat at the edge of the tub, finally feeling relief from the accidental cut._

_“It’s okay,” Yien smiled, wanting to assure his best friend that what happened was totally normal for kids messing around in ways they necessarily shouldn’t be. “I feel really cool now, I got stabbed by like… a_ real _fencer.”_

_“Tell that to my dad,” Jiaer laughed quietly, smiling as Yien’s unmistakable laugh filled the room. “I promise I won’t ever make you fence again.”_

_“I said it’s okay,” Yien repeated, lightly punching Jiaer’s shoulder as he stood up. “You just one me one now.”_

_“Owe you what?” Jiaer followed Yien’s lead, walking back downstairs._

_“Ice cream,” Yien smiled, “and a ride on the back of your bike.”_

_“Deal.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this update about a day earlier than intended :)
> 
> we are still clearly going through it with mark who seems to be even more lost than he thought he might be so far from home... jinyoung certainly doesn't help the case, but at least he has a new friend in yugyeom.
> 
> thank you so much for reading!! as i mentioned, new updates every saturday-ish depending on time zones and such. thanks for all of your comments as well.
> 
> find me on twt - @amerituandream
> 
> xoxo k


	5. Chapter 5

_“I’m so happy you didn’t end up moving away.”_

_Yien looked up and smiled over at Jiaer across the picnic table they had claimed at the rickety old ice cream shop on the corner, Jiaer’s bike haphazardly resting along side of it. In between bites of vanilla soft serve, Jiaer continued to babble, something about schoolwork and even more words about things Yien didn’t bother to ask more about. It was true: he wasn’t moving away. His family would be staying put next to Jiaer’s house for the immediate future and honestly… he was thrilled._

_Not that anyone needed to know, of course. Yien was always a boy of few words, Jiaer filling in those gaps effortlessly. Their paths through puberty had initially caused them to drift apart, but Yien couldn’t help but feel that the possibility of them never seeing each other again guided them back to old habits, thus the impromptu journey to get ice cream like they always did when they were only a few years younger._

_The ride back to their homes was smooth, Yien a bit too tall and lanky to hold onto Jiaer as well as he used to when riding on the back pegs of the bicycle, but Jiaer managed just fine, attributing his ability to steer them back successfully to his athletic habits. They tucked Jiaer’s bike back in his garage before clamouring up to Yien’s bedroom, pulling out an old gaming system and dusting it off before indulging themselves in an afternoon of digital fun._

 

 

_As the seasons changed, Yien was grateful that Jiaer hadn’t. The brief scare of leaving shook their friendship back to its roots, the two spending more time than ever together. Jiaer made sure to always include Yien in his plans, letting his teammates and other friends know that Yien was his_ best _friend and always would be. Yien peeled himself away from his comfort zone to not sit by and let his friend drift away, feeling a sense of unadulterated joy when hanging out with the other boy._

 

_Months turned to years, the two making their way through their grade school years stitched back together at the hip, Yien daring not to think about what would have happened if he had ended up moving away to a new place. He was grateful for the renewed interest it caused in one another, always elated when Jiaer would come over uninvited or even better, when he could make the first move and make plans for the pair to surprise Jiaer._

_However, the only remaining lingering pang in his gut circled around each time Jiaer got a little too close with someone else - in the physical sense. He remembered the first dance they went to together, how he leaned against the wall and watched as Jiaer danced the night away with anyone who would agree. Without the bravery he felt that Jiaer was only capable of containing, Yien never asked to join in, recalling his jealousy being merely platonic as he imagined_ being _Jiaer, not_ with _him._

_But, as Yien sat at some generic upperclassmen party, watching as Jiaer picked his next body of interest to intertwine himself with to the beat of the stereo, he buried a new confession to himself under layers of self-doubt._

_He liked Jiaer. More than… he should._

_Jiaer would never like him… like_ that. _Yien felt lucky enough that Jiaer was even still his friend after meeting so many other new and interesting people over the course of their friendship; he knew better than to even consider acting on his feelings. If Jiaer ever found out, it would feel almost as if Yien had moved away with his family, the distance less about physical space but more about the mental and emotional kind. He couldn’t imagine his life without Jiaer in it, so Yien filed the internal admission away as he watched Jiaer’s lips trail down another’s neck, telling himself it’s what a good friend would do._

 

 

_Jiaer and Yien decided to be roommates at the same university for their next step in education, Yien happy to avoid the awkward introductions known as the “random roommate.” After their families had jointly moved their belongings in together and bid their farewells, the two decided to head down to the student activities fair to explore. Jiaer already had his hands full with a fencing scholarship, something he had worked endlessly for. Yien, on the other hand, was looking for something to do to meet new friends, knowing how difficult the task always seemed to be._

_Yien and Jiaer fell into a shared group of friends, some that enjoyed academics and the more serious side of life and others who always wanted to go out and have a good time. Yien even started to enjoy the crazier side of campus life, discovering how talented he was at drinking games, especially when Jiaer was placed on his team. The only problem came in the form of his recently rediscovered feelings, the spikes in interest peeking out whenever Jiaer left his side for something of the more romantic kind. Yien did his best to quell the stirring memories, reminding himself over and over again that they were only_ friends _; Jiaer would never be interested like that and even if he could be, it would ruin what they were._  

 

 

_Months later, still unable to break the cycle of the returning crush on his roommate and best friend, Yien took time to gather his courage to finally confess, hoping that Jiaer would set him straight or, in the best case scenario, seen him as he wished Yien would. He waited until they both returned home for winter break, meeting in the cozy confines of Yien’s bedroom where they played the same video games from their youth - they were now classic titles that they had mastered together._

_“Have I ever mentioned how happy I am that you never moved away?” Jiaer grinned, setting his controller down as they finished a level._

_“Only once or twice…” Yien giggled, “or a_ million _times…”_

_“Well, I’m saying it again,” Jiaer beamed, arm slung over Yien’s narrow shoulders, yanking him closer, alarms ringing in Yien’s mind. “I’m glad you’re here with me.”_  

Here. With me. 

_“Jiaer,” Yien turned his head, meeting Jiaer’s warm chestnut eyes, finally letting his own truth free, “I think I like you.”_

_Jiaer blinked, grip around his body loosening as he seemed to process the information, Yien biting his bottom lip in anticipation. Did Jiaer not understand? It had taken weeks of built-up courage to admit the life-changing statement and Yien only hoped he didn’t have to explain himself._

_“Like me?” Jiaer echoed, pulling away completely. “How could you like me? You don’t even know me…”_

_“What?” Yien hissed, squinting his eyes at the other. “What are you talking about, Jiaer?”_

_“Who’s Jiaer?”_  

_Yien felt his mouth go dry, head spinning as he held onto the carpet for a useless sense of balance._

_“My name is Jackson,” Jiaer became fuzzy, vision blurring as he moved further away from Yien. “Who are you?”_

  
In a cold sweat, Mark jolted awake under the covers of his dorm room bed, eyes blinking to adjust to the darkness surrounding him. It was only a dream, just like the others he had been having on and off again since the beginning of the semester, but it had been the most intense yet. Details Mark had secretly wished for had appeared as if the entire world knew them, even his memories of repressed feelings for the other shamelessly surfacing after years tucked away.

Adolescent crushes should mean nothing to you once you were in your early twenties, but Mark’s memories fucked with his brain to its core, shaking loose the hidden thoughts and feelings he once had for the other boy. Holding his head as it ached from its abrupt awakening, Mark denied the memories again, wondering why they never completely left. If he couldn’t admit to himself that maybe the feelings weren’t only platonic _before_ Jackson verbally erased their entire friendship, Mark was in no place to confirm them in that moment, the hurt sinking into his bones deeper than before.

All Mark could think to do to cope with the situation was to blame Jinyoung, figuring that his meddling between the two projected those lost emotions back into his mind, past feelings shining back through. He wasn’t going to give in to the assumptions his roommate had made, even if the words had drawn more out of the back of Mark’s skull.

Confusion and loneliness. That’s all Mark had to blame it on. _Maybe you need to find someone real and not a manifestation of this halcyon bullshit_ , he thought to himself as he lowered his head back onto his pillow, pulling the sheets up to his chin as his breathing steadied.

_Maybe you just need to get laid._

 

 

“Wait, are you serious?”

Mark found himself tucked away in a corner booth at the campus coffee shop with Yugyeom, each sipping on a hand-crafted beverage. After the most recent bout of heavy dreams, Mark decided to reach out to a friend outside of the situation and clue them in on all the happenings in hopes of alleviating the stress on his mind.

“Dead,” Mark nodded, leaning his head against the back of the padded seat. “Literally introduced himself and everything right in front of them.”

“And we’re halfway through the semester,” Yugyeom replied, shock obvious in his tone. “How do you deal with not calling him out?”

“I don’t think it’s that easy,” Mark shrugged. “He has to have some reason why he decided to do it and _I’m_ not going to be the one that folds first. This is his mess, _he_ has to clean it up.” 

“How does he do it?” Yugyeom asked, fidgeting with the plastic straw in his cup. “Like, isn’t it obvious there’s something weird happening when you’re all together?”

“It feels that way to me,” Mark replied. “Jinyoung reads the tension as something… romantic.” 

“Get out,” Yugyeom laughed, covering his mouth as the sound echoed freely around the space. “Wow, he’s an idiot. How could there be feelings when he’s being a gigantic asshole?”

“Or the fact that we haven’t really spoken in almost ten years,” Mark was quick to add on for his own safety, “but yeah, I don’t know why he thinks that.” 

“Well, have you at least _thought_ about what to say to him?” Yugyeom asked the question innocently, finally taking a sip of his lukewarm drink.

“Uh, kinda,” Mark lied, playing with the strings from his hoodie. “In my head, I guess I assumed he’d be the one to come to me and apologize before I had to say anything.”

“At this point? Seems like a hopeless wish,” Yugyeom remarked, “but if you get as intense as you do when you’re online fighting a bunch of dorks, I bet it’ll at least be entertaining.” 

“I guess,” Mark laughed under his breath, sighing heavily. “It all seems so pointless. We don’t have that much time here, so should it matter?” 

“I think the fact that you haven’t even spoken to him alone and you’re so hung up about it says everything,” Yugyeom was blunt, but fair, offering a kind smile with his advice. “You knew him for a long time. It’s okay to still want to be a friend to that version of him. In fact, I think you want to find out if that’s who he still is.” 

“I…” Mark looked down, glancing at his wrist that once carried a bright pink band, “I guess I’m afraid to find out.”

“If he sucks, you’ve already gone ten years without him,” Yugyeom reminded him. 

“I don’t know if I think that’s possible,” Mark replied softly, Yugyeom arching an eyebrow at the response. 

“You sure you guys were _just friends_?” Yugyeom couldn’t help himself, giggling as he dodged a crumpled up napkin Mark sent his way.

“You’re just as bad as Jinyoung sometimes,” Mark whined. 

“I’m only kidding,” Yugyeom chuckled, leaning back in his seat. “I do think you should talk to Jackson, though.”

“I’m running out of options,” Mark sighed. “At this point, I have to.”

“If you need to talk through it with someone, I’m around,” Yugyeom smiled, being the good friend Mark had assumed he would be. 

“Eventually,” Mark nodded. “I’ll get there…” 

“Don’t wait too long,” Yugyeom warned, pointing in Mark’s direction. “It will probably only get worse.” 

“Yeah…” Mark hung his head low, aware of all the unnecessary tension that had stemmed from the entire situation, “you're right. Thanks for being honest.”

“You’re welcome,” Yugyeom smiled, nudging Mark’s leg with his foot under the table. “Let’s go to the lab, no one should be in there now and we can hang out until club starts.”

With a nod and a thankful smile, Mark stood up with his friend, feeling a percentage lighter after getting his inner thoughts out into the open. Gaming the night away might not take away the rest of his problems, but it would only help him avoid them a little bit longer. That was all Mark could hope for.

 

 

Personal life in a jumbled mess, Mark decided to sit out whatever escapades Jinyoung had suggested to him on the next Friday night, ready to give time back to himself. He was a guy in his early twenties in a new country and he had hardly taken the time to embrace his situation for what it was, caught up in the webs of the past. Thinking back to why he chose to travel far away for one of his last remaining semesters, Mark remembered romanticizing being in a place where he knew no one, the area free for him to explore and take in as he wanted. While the circumstances turned out a bit differently, it wasn’t too late to go back to some parts of his original plan, spending the night walking around the nearby city and trying some local food at his own pace. With some money he had saved before his trip, Mark purchased gifts to send back to his family, even buying himself some new clothing that he wouldn’t be able to find back home.

After a night of retail therapy completed, Mark grabbed a cab back to campus and the dorm he had conflicting feelings for. On one hand, Jinyoung was generally a good roommate and a reliable friend, even when he meddled where it felt unnecessary. However, the immediate connection to Jackson still caused strain between them, Mark coming so close to spitting out the truth. He was thankful for his own private room where he could shut the door, even when Jinyoung was out, zoning into his games as he usually did.

 

Enjoying the peaceful atmosphere of their shared space, Mark decided to make a late night snack and watch some television before continuing his game, sagging back into the well-loved sofa. Eating a cup of hot and spicy ramen, Mark thought back to his conversation a few days prior with Yugyeom and how he hadn’t had the guts to think about what he would end up saying to Jackson. Almost two months since they had met again, Mark was stuck, admitting to himself that what Yugyeom had said was true. He didn’t want to believe that someone could change, impacting his memories and past opinions. Mark also didn’t want to put himself in a position of embarrassment, wondering what could even happen if he and Jackson were honest with each other. Jackson made everything look so effortless and cool and even years later, Mark pondered what he would do in this situation, knowing he could handle anything better than Mark could. 

Moving to finish off his cup of noodles, Mark turned his head towards the door at the sound of it being unlocked, voices babbling incoherently as it clicked open. Jinyoung fell into the room, nearly knocking over the shoe rack he had so carefully placed near the entrance, Jaebum following close behind to steady him, giggling at the other’s misfortune. As Mark closed his eyes and wished for the door to shut on its own, Jackson waltzed in and slammed the door behind him, proud of his ability to remain upright even though clearly intoxicated.

“Mark!” Jinyoung smiled, making his way over to the couch, sitting on the arm next to him. “You’re still awake!”

“Uh, yeah,” Mark forced himself to focus on the food in his hand. “Middle of a game, just taking a break.”

“Of _course_ , you’re always _gaming_ ,” Jinyoung snickered as if he had told the funniest joke ever spoken. “Should have gone out with us!”

“That would have made two people that could hold it in better than just me alone,” Jaebum laughed, grabbing Jinyoung by the shoulders as he began to walk him to his room. “Let’s go, Jinyoungie… time for bed.” 

As if Jinyoung had given him a silent sign to move, Jackson was suddenly taking up the space next to Mark on the couch, shamelessly pressing up against Mark’s shoulder. The contact was too much too quick, Mark looking at his roommate disappearing into his bedroom with Jaebum leading the way.

“Um, didn’t you forget someone?” Mark tried to peel himself away from Jackson, the blond giggling drunkenly as he kept Mark in place.

“What’s that?” Jinyoung leaned around his doorframe, a conniving grin on his lips.

“Jinyoung,” Mark gritted through his teeth. “Jackson…” 

“My bed only fits two!” Jinyoung giggled, pulling Jaebum inside. “You deal with him!”

With another laugh, Jinyoung’s door swung shut, Mark fuming from the assumption that he was in charge of taking care of any drunk friend, but especially Jackson. The other boy didn’t move from Mark’s side, sighing happily as he made himself more comfortable.

“I’ve never been in here,” Jackson remarked, lounging against an uncomfortable Mark. “It’s nice.”

A normal person would reply. A normal person who wasn’t put in a lie against his will. Mark tried to ignore the weight near him, finishing up his food with a million thoughts spinning in his head. His ex-best friend was finally alone with him after weeks of totally obvious avoidance, but Mark wasn’t ready for it. He had only recently started to find his words he might say to Jackson if he had the chance, but his nerves were shot as the situation seemed like a set up from his roommate. 

“You should have come out with us,” Jackson said, back still facing Mark as he stared off into the distance that was the small dorm kitchen. “You’re a really good drinker, better than Jinyoung. He can’t handle it and then all he wants to do is talk to Jaebum. It makes me lonely.” 

Mark rolled his eyes. Either Jackson was a semi-coherent drunk or he was pulling a fast one on him, seemingly vulnerable and honest, yet still avoiding the one thing that could set the record straight. If Jackson could string along a full, complete thought, Mark wondered why he hadn’t wandered home yet, knowing that Jinyoung just _had_ to be the mastermind behind his every action. Nothing was a coincidence anymore, Mark was sure of that.

“You’re so quiet,” Jackson spoke as Mark refused to verbally acknowledge anything else he had said. “You were always quiet…” 

Mark sucked in a deep breath, closing his eyes as he wished he could simply vanish, not wanting to hear another word from Jackson and his mouth that had completely lost its filter. A wall was breaking between them; Mark could feel the shift immediately, from the emotional baggage filtering through his mind to Jackson _physically_ moving to sit up, still pressed against his side, but changed to shoulder-to-shoulder. 

Knowing a certain pair of brown eyes were staring at him, Mark didn’t open his own, wondering if the moment could pass without his acknowledgement. If anything, he was thankful Jackson was drunk, knowing he could blame the happenings on a non-sober mind. It wasn’t until he felt Jackson’s head resting on his shoulder that Mark glanced his way, feeling safe from any further questioning.

Jackson’s hair looked as soft as it always had, dark roots forming along the base as if he were overdue for a touch up. Long eyelashes had fluttered closed, round nose sloping down to his parted lips, breathing soft and steady. If Mark closed his eyes again, he could mistakenly assume he was back in his dream where he and Jackson had never grew or moved apart, best friends still to that day.

Letting Jackson get a little too comfortable, Mark felt a grip wrap around his arm as he watched Jackson make himself more comfortable on the sofa. It was clear that the night wouldn’t bring the answers he needed and Mark sighed a soft breath of relief, realizing that he wasn’t ready to hear anything from the other man until he remembered all the baggage that would come along with it. After all, Mark didn’t want to admit that the feelings could still exist when he barely knew Jackson in his current form, soft stunning features and past memories aside.

The contact became too much, Jackson’s body heavy and warm against Mark’s smaller frame, the older boy moving slowly to easily slip out of Jackson’s grip to return to his room. However, Jackson’s reflexes proved they were quick in all aspects of his life, hand grasping Mark’s at the last second.

 

“Yien.”

 

A wave of uncertainty and surprise rushed over him, the name ringing in his ears. The sound was unmistakable and Mark could place the voice, tone and inflection anywhere.

“Yien,” Jackson repeated, grip a bit firmer as Mark remained petrified by the sound. “Don’t go. Don’t leave again.”

_Don’t leave again._

Shaking Jackson loose with one movement of his arm, Mark didn’t look back as he marched to his room, shutting the door and quickly locking it, nostalgic fondness trashed in favor of the familiar anger he had been sitting on since he arrived on campus.

_Unfair_. It all felt so unfair, to have this opportunity to become a better version of himself and instead be dragged down by circumstances surrounding him. Mark knew better as he was completely sober, but he wanted to yank Jackson down, push him up against the wall and make him admit why he started everything in the first place.

Mark sat in bed, fingers trembling from the contact. With the secret still hidden, he felt the end near, knowing he couldn’t last much longer. As much as he wanted Jackson to admit it first, to see the light and understand that his joke had gone too far, maybe he was putting too much faith in a boy he once knew all too well.

_Just friends. Just two childhood friends. That’s all that’s at risk. What else do you really have to lose?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH I'm staying on schedule (I promise) and I knowwww it took a long time for markson to be alone but :~)
> 
> next chapter will be a very very fun one - i hope you are ready for some shit to go down.
> 
> Thanks as always for reading/commenting/subscribing/etc!!! love u all so much!!!
> 
> twt: @amerituandream


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